Chapter 73
“When the night terrors first started, I went to therapy,” Nathan says with a dry chuckle. “In hindsight, all the treatments and therapies were funny. Especially since none of them worked. It all boiled down to the fact that I had crippling anxiety and stress.”
Nathan Ashford with anxiety sounds like an eagle afraid of heights.
I sit silently, hardly breathing, letting him get through the words at his own pace.
“The worst part of all this is what causes the anxiety.” His back visibly tightens, and I’m too distracted by his emotional pain to admire his physical perfection. “My fucking family.”
He looks at me. “Do you know why you and June were allowed to stay?”
“Because it was good for your family’s reputation?” I say softly.
He snorts. “My dad was ready to kick you guys out that first day, but I begged him not to, then I fed him all that bullshit about reputation.”
“Why?”
“Because I saw the way you defended June. You were ready to throw away an opportunity many would kill for for your little sister. I could practically see the love you have for her emanating from every pore.”
He turns away before seeing the tear that rolls down my cheek.
“Did you know the banquet was the first time we ate together in months?”
I’m not quick enough to keep the surprise off my face, and Nathan notices. “Oh, it gets worse. I mean, look at this competition–what normal family does this?
“And then there’s the perfect couple–Marisol and Samuel.” He scoffs. “He has lovers in every state and country he has business in–which is everywhere.” Guess that means that affectionate dance at the ball really was a show.
“And she’s an alcoholic and is addicted to Xanax. They tried to prescribe some for me, but I’d rather have my heart explode while I sleep than touch the stuff. I’ve lost count of the maids Lucas has sullied. He got one pregnant once, and in terminating the pregnancy, she almost died. My parents spent a fortune keeping it out of the media. And Peter-”
I hold my breath as I wait for him to talk about Peter–my new friend and the boy my friend has fallen for.
“Sometimes I hate him for how…unaffected he seems by my entire family. He’s somehow managed to retain a zeal for life that I lost a long time ago.”
I release the breath. Thank God.
Nathan obviously doesn’t share my sentiment. When he speaks again, his voice is thick with emotion. “I hate my family for being sick and twisted, and I hate the one member of my family for not being sick and twisted.”
At this point, I can’t hold back anymore. So I grab Nathan’s forearm and turn him to me, wrapping my arms around him.
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Chapter 73
He stiffens, but I tighten my arms around him, resting my chin on his warm shoulder.
“I don’t deserve to be comforted-” he whispers.
I close my eyes as a tear drops onto his shoulders. “Yes, Nathan, you do.”
He still doesn’t move. “That’s why I stopped therapy and refused medication,” he says. “The night terrors feel like a punishment for my family’s sins and for me–for being born into privilege and wishing every day that I had a completely different life.”
Another tear rolls down my cheek as I say with a shaky voice, “You’re not the sinner. Why the fuck would you think you deserve to be punished?”
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“Because I’m just as bad. Have you forgotten how I threatened you when you saw Lucas and Sarah? I was trying to protect my scumbag of a brother.”
I shake my head. “I know that’s not true. I know you were protecting me.”
I pull away slightly so I can look at him. “You knew that if I talked and the news became public, your family would destroy me.”
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