Chapter 84
Nathan just stares at me unblinkingly, his mouth open.
So, I take that as my cue to ramble.
I reach for the contents on the bed.
“I always sat at the front row so I could see you up close when you ran by,” I say, fingering the tickets.
I grab one of the Ken dolls and chuckle awkwardly. “I made the jerseys in Home Ec. Mrs. Brentford thoufe–sad was toske point out–that I was a little loopy.
“And this…” I caress the scrapbook. “I have to admit, I did feel kind of like a stalker when I made this.
I look back at Nathan, and his expression hasn’t changed a bit.
“Say something,” I whisper.
His mouth closes, and his throat bobs as he swallows. Finally, he says, “Why?”
“Because…” I shrug helplessly. “You were hurt and I knew you were heartbroken.”
Nathan shakes his head. “No. Why?”
I withdraw my hands into my lap and play with my fingers nervously. “I’m pretty sure you know why,” I say, peering at him through TRY lashes. “Do I really have to say it out loud?”
Because if I do, and he doesn’t feel the same way, I don’t know what I’ll do with myself.
“I take it back,” Nathan says so softly I barely hear him. “I’m definitely in love with the person who gave me this.”
My eyes widen, and it’s my turn for my jaw to fall open. My heart shudders in my chest at the sudden, mind–blowing confession.
“Wha-”
Nathan leans forward and, cupping my cheek, kisses me.
I close my eyes, sighing at the rapidly addictive feeling of his lips on mine.
The kiss doesn’t last long, however. Nathan breaks apart slowly but doesn’t pull away. He rests his forehead against mine, and warm breath fans my lips when he exhales. “Fuck, April. What are you?”
“Screwed,” I whisper without missing a beat.
Nathan lets out a harsh bark of laughter. “If you’re screwed, then there’s absolutely no hope for me.”
I feel his hands brace against my thighs as he moves. When I open my eyes, I let out a small gasp as Nathan Ashford fails to both knees before me, pulling my thighs apart so he can fit between them.
1/3
15:12 Mon, Oct 6
Chapter 84
46
He doesn’t remove his hands from my body, and searing heat emanates from that point of contact and races through my whole body.
I’m struck dumb as I stare at him, into those gorgeous eyes I want to look into for the rest of my life.
“When I’m with you,” Nathan says softly, “do you know the predominant emotion I feel?”
Not trusting myself to speak with his hands wreaking havoc on my system, I shake my head.
“Fear.”
Okay, I was not expecting that.
The boy between my thighs continues, “I force myself to be numb most of the time–it’s the only way to survive the mess my family is. That first day on the terrace when you clashed with Valerie, the moment you fell into my arms, something in my chest…unfurled. My skin tingled, and my heart rate quickened. I’d never felt that way before, and it confused the hell out of me.
“Then I saw how you stood up to my parents to defend your sister. I remember thinking how real you are, vivid and bright.” He lets out a self–conscious chuckle. “Does that make sense?”
Still mute, I shrug helplessly.
“Anyway,” Nathan continues, “It definitely made me notice you. Every time I entered a room filled with the contestants, I automatically sought you out. During my day, I’d randomly wonder how you were doing. Then there was the banquet.”
He shakes his head. “You thought I was indifferent towards you?” His grip on my thigh tightens, and a sharp jolt of awareness shoots to the spot just a few inches away from his hand. If he wants me to hear and understand this speech, he should really consider removing his hands from my skin.
“April, my heart was beating so loudly, I was terrified you were going to hear it. My palms were sweaty and I couldn’t think right. That’s why I sat there, stiff as a board.”
I think back to the banquet, unable to believe that while I was going out of my mind seated next to Nathan, he was probably feeling the
same way.
“And when you discovered Lucas and Sarah, I felt that fear for the first time. I was terrified of what my family would do to you to protect Lucas‘ secrets. And then that same night, June had the accident and just the thought of how it would affect you drove me crazy with worry. Seeing you in that infirmary room with your bare feet scratched up tore something open inside me.”
It’s crazy how, in all these moments he’s mentioned, he was so stoic and indifferent that I thought he couldn’t care less.
But he cared. He cared a lot.
“And it only got worse and confusing from there. Seeing you almost get trampled by the horse terrified me. Finding out that you had made the brace, and Valerie took all the credit angered me. Seeing you in your dress dazzled me, and seeing you sob on the floor when it got destroyed, hearing you say you wanted to leave ruined me. After feeling numb for so long, I was suddenly feeling too much too fast and too strongly.”
My vision blurs a little, and I realize that if he keeps talking, I might–no, I definitely will–cry.
Nathan exhales slowly, and his breath against my thighs does not do anything good for my composure.
2/3
15:12 Mon, Oct 6
Chapter 84
fte trek up at me with ties intense eyes. “Say something, April,” he whispers.
159
I don’t knew what to say. His confession feels surreal. Like something I’m more likely to dream up than hear. I always imagined Nathan comfresing his love to me.
But I was never so delusional as to imagine my response because I knew it would never happen.
But here I am now. And it’s happening.
And even though I don’t know how to respond to this world–altering confession, I do have something I have to know.
“I–if you feel this way,” I say shakily. “Why are you sending me away?”
