Chapter 116
Having spent the last three hours tossing and turning, I’m wide awake when the soft knock on my door comes at 1:15 a.m.
I untangle my legs from the sheets and open the door quietly.
A small smile pulls at my lips when I see who is at the other end of the door.
“I hoped it was you,” I say softly.
Nathan returns my smile. “I figured without June, you wouldn’t be able to sleep.”
I reach out and take his hand, pulling him into the room. “What took you so long?”
He shrugs. “I was…debating.”
I tilt my head to the side. “On what?”
He hesitates, then finally says, “Whether you would prefer dealing with your loneliness or my night terrors.”
My heart squeezes at his words.
I pull Nathan to sit next to me on the bed. Letting his hand go, I cup his uninjured cheek, running my eyes over his injuries. “Did you have Penny change your dressings?”
He nods. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Good.” The swelling on his cheek has gone down, and the bruise should disappear within a few days. The cut on his temple shouldn’t scar. Soon, there’ll be no evidence of the physical abuse Nathan went through–except on his heart.
My hands drop from his face, and I climb under the covers. I pat the space beside me, looking up at him. “Come on.”
Slowly, Nathan curls into bed with me, and my heartbeat quickens when his body presses against mine.
He lies there a little stiff, so I take his arm and drape it around my waist, pushing myself into him.
“I’m always the big spoon,” I say, sounding breathless.
Nathan’s arm tightens around my waist, fitting me perfectly into his body. “It’s about time for a change, huh?”
I smile, resting my hand on his arm. I can feel his heart beating against my back, almost as fast as mine. He’s warm and solid around me, and I can’t remember the last time I felt so…protected.
“Do you think she’s having a hard time sleeping?” I ask softly.
Nathan places his chin on my head. “Do you want to talk to her tomorrow? I’ll call Penny with my phone.”
I sigh. “Thank you.”
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Chapter 116
He kisses my hair. “Anything for you.”
Comfortable silence blankets us, and maybe it’s the steady beating of Nathan’s heart, or his warm breath hitting my neck, or his solid body surrounding me, but I have absolutely no trouble falling asleep.
Okay, so, to be honest, I thought it was going to be like a movie, and Nathan and I would wake up tomorrow to discover that he didn’t have any night terrors when he slept with me. Because, you know, I bring him peace.
My life, however, is not a movie.
I jolt awake because I can’t breathe.
I can’t breathe because Nathan’s arms around me are like vices. I think I hear my ribs cracking.
“Nathan,” I choke out, slapping at his arms. “I can’t breathe.” Is this what June feels when I hug her too tightly?
I don’t think he can hear me, though. His whole body is trembling against mine, his breathing is harsh and ragged, and I can feel the sweat soaking both his clothes and mine.
“Nathan,” I call out a little louder, pushing at his arms. But he doesn’t budge; if anything, it feels like his grip tightens.
At first, panic surges through me, and the more I struggle, the tighter his arms grasp me.
That’s when I realize that both of us panicking isn’t going to help.
So, I force myself to relax. I stroke Nathan’s arms softly. When I was in the dark place after June’s accident, his voice was like an anchor; even in my trance, I could recognize him.
“It’s okay,” I choke out, gently stroking his arm. “You’re okay.”
I hear his breath hitch, but his arms around me don’t loosen.
“It’s okay, Nathan,” I say. “I’m here. You’re okay.”
I repeat those two words over and over again: you’re okay.
Slowly but surely, Nathan’s grip around me loosens, and I’m able to breathe properly.
With the bit of space I’m granted, I turn, facing him. His eyes are fluttering beneath tightly closed lids, sweat pouring down his face. His jaw is clenched so tightly, I’m afraid he’s going to break his teeth.
“Oh, Nathan,” I whisper.
The sight of him is like a knife to the heart. I want to reach into his mind and protect him from the demons that plague him.
But unfortunately, I’m stuck on the outside.
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16:12 Thu, Oct 9
Chapter 116
I wrap my arms around him, bringing his head to rest against my chest. “It’s okay,” I continue to whisper, stroking his hair. “You’re okay.”
A shudder runs through him, and he lets out an anguished sound that tears tight through me.
“It’s okay, Nathan,” I say, desperately trying to keep my voice steady.
I whisper the comforting words for what feels like hours until they all jumble up and stop sounding like words. But I don’t stop talking soothingly; I don’t stop touching him.
I give him comfort in the only way I know how.
And finally, gradually, his harsh breathing evens out. He stops trembling, and his jaw relaxes.
“There you go,” I whisper, a tear rolling down my cheek.
I place a kiss on his slick forehead. “I’m proud of you,” I whisper.
I feel his hands grip the fabric of my silk camisole.
I don’t know if he’s conscious or has slipped back into sleep, but I continue stroking him soothingly–until I fall asleep again.
When I wake up in the morning, the space beside me is empty, a slightly damp spot the only proof that Nathan was ever in my bed, sweating and shivering.
That, and the note on the pillow he used. The paper was ripped out of my notepad.
A tear slides down my cheek as I read the note.
Thank you.
For not turning away.
For not being afraid of the broken parts.
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