Chapter 185
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The tent falls away behind me, its golden light slowly swallowed by darkness. I wander through a familiar hedge–lined path that leads away from the main lawn, past a reflecting pool that shimmers with floating candles and glass swans tonight.
I walk long enough that the rehearsal dinner becomes a twinkling mirage in the distance.
I find a bench near the outer gardens, half–hidden behind a towering curtain of weeping willows.
I never reached this part of the estate during my stay, which is a shame, because it’s beautiful–and most importantly, quiet.
No pretentious laughter and polished chatter. Just the whisper of leaves and the distant sound of water.
I sink onto the bench, wrapping my arms around myself to ward off the slight chill in the air. But it doesn’t work–because the chill is inside me.
My vision blurs slightly, and I press the heels of my hands to my eyes hard enough to see stars.
I will not cry.
So what if I just listened to the love of my life commit himself to another woman weeks after he asked me to marry him?
What if he just promised to love her forever when he said almost the exact same words to me?
I will not cry.
127
“There you are.”
The voice is soft. Familiar in ways that make my heart ache.
I don’t turn around. “I didn’t realize anyone noticed me leave.”
Nathan steps into view slowly, hands tucked into the pockets of his tailored navy suit. The garden light gilds him at the edges so he looks like a mirage. A figment of my imagination.
Something surreal I can’t touch.
“I always notice you.”
My breath hitches, and I drop my gaze, unable to string together words to reply to him.
“You left without dessert,” he says, after a beat, as if it matters.
I scoff. “I wasn’t hungry.” I look up. “Something about tonight just made my stomach churn.”
He doesn’t answer that, but I see his shoulders tense.
He walks closer, then stops like he’s not sure if he’s allowed to sit. Finally, he lowers himself onto the opposite end of the bench, leaving a polite gap between us.
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Chapter 185
The space buzzes with tension, and it’s all I can do not to lean over and close it.
“You shouldn’t be here,” I say quietly. If I talk low enough, maybe he won’t hear the tremor in my voice.
“It’s my house,” Nathan points out.
I shoot him a look. “Don’t play coy.”
He exhales. “I’m sorry.”
I shake my head, my brain rejecting those two words, because if I let them sink in, I’ll imagine he’s apologizing for…everything.
I shake my head. “Valerie’s probably looking for you. I don’t think she can survive being apart for this long.”
“God, she’s like a fucking barnacle.”
I can’t help the sharp snort that falls out of me, remembering how he recounted their date back when he was mine.
And that thought instantly banishes the mirth.
Silence stretches after that, but oddly, it’s not uncomfortable–just thick. Tangled.
“I didn’t mean them, you know,” Nathan says after a while. “The vows. I didn’t mean a word of it.”
I turn to him and force a sardonic smile. “Do you want me to congratulate you for being a liar?”
He exhales. “April—”
“Because that’s what you are, Nathan–a liar.”
My fists clench in my lap, my nails finding the earlier groove in my palm.
His gaze flickers as he whispers, “I never lied about my feelings for you.”
My neck is stiff when I nod. “I know–you only lied when you were breaking my heart.”
His intake of breath is sharp and loud.
“That’s why you couldn’t say you don’t love me, right?” I cock my head. “You’re okay with lying about everything else but that.”
“April-”
“Do you know the worst part?” I ask softly. “I get it.”
His brows knit. “What?”
“I get why you broke up with me. Hell, I get why you chose Valerie. It’s quite simple, really–you care about protecting me, but you don’t care about protecting her. You chose her because you think you don’t deserve me, but you deserve her.”
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Chapter 185
寿命園
“She makes sense,” he grinds out, his voice like strings pulled taut. “Everything about her does. My parents love her. Our lives align. She knows how to navigate…this.” He gestures vaguely toward the glowing estate.
“Liat,” I whisper.
“April…”
I shake my head. “If you’re going to lie to everyone, the least you can do is not lie to yourself.”
“I’m not-”
“You are.” My voice takes on a desperate, foreign quality. “You wake up every morning and you lie to yourself, Nathan. You tell yourself that you deserve the gnawing ache in your chest. You tell yourself you deserve to spend the rest of your life leashed to Valerie St Claire. You tell yourself you don’t deserve love and happiness. And do you know the part that pisses me off the most?”
He sighs. “What?”
“Your fucking reasoning.”
His jaw clenches. “I don’t understand.”
“But you do,” I snap. “You do.”
I rise to my feet, unable to sit still a second longer. “You think you committed some grave crime that you deserve to be punished for when the only thing you’re guilty of is being born into the wrong family.”
He blinks up at me.
“Look at Peter!” I point in the direction of the tent. “He’s your brother, he’s as related to your parents and Lucas as you are, and he doesn’t let that ruin his happiness.”
“It’s not the same,” Nathan grits out.
“Bullshit,” I whisper. “You’re just masochistic as fuck and are hellbent on torturing yourself for no fucking reason.”
“April-”
“But what was my crime?”
Nathan’s eyes widen, and I curse myself when the first tear slides down my cheek. “What crime did I commit that I deserve to be tortured?”
He rises, his hands twitching at his sides. “I never wanted to hurt you, April.” He spreads his arms wide. “I did all this to protect you from
hurt.”
“I am hurt!”
My chest heaves as stupid fucking sobs wrack through me. “That feeling like there’s a splinter lodged between your ribs? Like there isn’t enough air to fill your lungs?” I stab a finger at myself. “I carry it with me every fucking day, because you decided that your insecurities. and misconceived guilt were stronger than your love for me!”
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Nathan stares at me, stunned and frozen like I’ve morphed into a mythical creature before his eyes.
零四
“I love you,” I whisper, my voice ragged. “Even now, despite how much you hurt me, that ache in my chest is love.” I shake my head. “But I realize my love isn’t enough to free you from the cage you’ve built for yourself.”
“Only you can do that, Nathan.” My lower lip wobbles, and I swipe at the wetness on my cheeks.
“Break the fucking cage before we lose each other forever.”
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18:48 Thu, Oct 16
Winning the Heir Who Bullied Me
Chapter 186
Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.
