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“Why do you say that?” Ragnar sits up and scoots the old, creaky office chair closer to the desk.
“Because it was there tonight. It’s here. I can feel it under my ski. A part of me knows that what we did and what I am still going to do is wrong, but this thing,” I take a drink from the glass and shake my head.
“What about it?” he asks. “I can take over if you need me to. I understand that it’s not an easy task.”
“No,” I laugh. “That’s not what I’m saying. I think I want to hate it I don’t want to be this person,” I scoot the chair in so the only thing separating us is the desk. “I’ve always had an idea of the person I wanted to be. The harder I tried to be this person, the more I failed and the more I resented myself for not being able to do it.”
“Because it’s what he wanted,” he nods.
“Exactly,” I agree. “But when I’m with you, I don’t have an idea of who or what I’m supposed to be at your side. I’m just me. It was just me there with you tonight. I could hear it. The way your heart raced as you tore through those guards. I don’t like getting dirty, but I was there. For the first time since they died, I was genuinely myself. Is that wrong?”
“Is being who you want to be wrong?” he asks. “Is that what you’re asking me?”
“I betrayed the people I once swore to protect with my life. Some of those guards were people I went to school with. Wolves I trained with. I took everything they taught me, and I’m using ito hurt them. I killed them. I ended the lives of those whom I swore to protect.”
“They betrayed you first,” he reminds me. “You shouldn’t feel bad for returning the favor.”
“You misunderstand,” I laugh. “That’s not what I feel bad about. I feel bad that I’m enjoying this as much as I am. I know I shouldn’t.”
“You feel bad because they taught you to depend on them. They groomed you to believe only what they want. You feel guilty about doing something selfish because this is the first time you’ve done something for you. It feels wrong because you’ve never taken care of yourself the way you should.
“Do you think Poppy feels guilty at her party, right now? Did you see the smile on her face as she showed off the ten- thousand–dollar dress she’s wearing or the five–hundred–dollar shoes? Do you think his parents feel bad about what they convinced him to do to you?
“You have to forget that you have a rank, little wolf. For our kind an omega is classified only for genetic purposes. We don’t care about that kind of power. We’re a lot more shallow than that We care about money and our ability to survive by our laws. Not theirs.
“Here, you meet good people because they’re good people. Not because they’re pretending to be. Among our kind, you’re either friends or enemies. The in–between is the mutual respect we have for one another, keeping the peace. No ranks. No roles. You are what you want to be.
“I’m the King. I want to be the King. I want to be a better King than my predecessors. That is what lies in my heart. Everything else is a gift. You, the love of my people, the pain, and that feeling of freedom when I take something. All gifts. The bonus to the life I am choosing.
“I will always apologize to you as your mate and as your friend. What we have is precious to me, and I will stop at nothing to ensure that you stay by my side for the rest of our lives together But I will never apologize for being your King.
“You’re learning your place in the world, Sophia. Don’t let them make you feel guilty for who you are. They taught you to supress that because they were always afraid that you would outshine him. You heard what Aimee said. He’s done for. Feral wolves don’t get very far. That wasn’t your fault; it was theirs. Do you want to be Sophia Helvig or do you want to be Luna
Romano?”
“My first day at the academy. Why were you there?”
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“Honestly, there were a couple of reasons. Zara was very upset that you chose to go to the academy there. She had wanted you to come home with her, but you dismissed her. I wanted to see why you chose to be there. Then I saw that you had enrolled in their combat training program.
“I didn’t think you weren’t prepared for it, but we’ve known one another since we were kids. I once looked at you the came way I saw my sister. I knew that the Sophia I knew would never choose the combat program because you have the best combat training out there. I would know. It was my father who thined yours. And I know that our Major General’s son would never leave his daughter defenseless simply because she was a girl.
“I showed up wanting to change your mind about going there, of in the very least, change your mind about the programs. I know that my best friends would never allow you to throw your dreams away for something as shallow as a legacy.
“They’d be honored, but they’d tell you that they’d want you to be happy. But I saw the way he looked at you and how you responded to him. Not even a blind person would miss the instant connection. My argument fell through, but I gave you the application so you could rethink your decision. I was glad when he made you switch.
“And the other reason?”
“I owe you, Sophia. More than you know. What you did for me that day is not something just anyone can do. You were a kid, and you showed more courage than all of the soldiers around you. Zara kept us updated on your recovery.
“It inspired me. Here you were. Someone who lost everything literally, fighting to live when there was nothing to fight for. If I had lost my father and Ivar as well, I know I wouldn’t have made it. I still ask myself, to this day, what Sophie would do in my place?
“It hurts to see that the rage that saved so many lives that day scares you, because it was that same rage that has inspired me every day. It was what got me out of bed. What pushed me to take that oath. I don’t know how to thank you for that. I figured that if I could convince you to come with us, I’d do anything to make sure that you lived a life worthy of that perfect moment that changed everything for me.”
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Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.
