Chapter 137
Chapter 137
KADE
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I didn’t know why, I couldn’t explain it, I didn’t want to describe it, or put a name to it, but I was angry. Furious, even. I hated Medea with an intense passion right now and there was nothing more I wanted to do than to-
I paused in my tracks, looking down at my shoes.
Do what, Kade? Why was this affecting me so much? Everything she said had gone straight to my head and made a space there.
I hated it.
Just because I couldn’t think straight when her scents surrounded me doesn’t mean I should continue acting mindlessly. It doesn’t mean I should cave to my insane, intense desire.
I had to get my shit together, for Christ’s sake.
But all those tough talks in my head didn’t quench that flame of anger in my chest. No, it actually increased. And it made me madder.
I was mad at myself, mad at Belladonna, and just mad at the damn world. I didn’t ask for any of this. I didn’t want this. This… these emotions, the conflict, the back and forth with my heart and mind.
*Fuck, I need a cigarette,” I grumbled as I kept walking, loosening my tie when it felt too suffocating.
***
Things became more tense and awkward after that moment in the elevator. We had both left work early because of the dinner.
We said nothing to each other, and even now, with both of us in the car, sitting close to each other and yet so distant, going to her father’s place, we still maintained the silence.
I didn’t mind it. I was okay with silence. It gives me the time to just be lost in my head. I barely have that luxury these days so this silence was much appreciated, and I hope it lasted.
“You haven’t told me about why you stayed away from women.”
Fuck. I jinxed it.
I fought the urge to groan and just kept my gaze fixed on the window, watching the city go by.
Italy was beautiful. There was something old–fashioned about its beauty, a little like the people, I suppose.
I didn’t go out much. It was just from the office to the house, and repeat. Perhaps I ought to go out more and it’ll aid in clearing my head and putting me back on track.
“You didn’t ask again,” I answered, still looking out the window. “So I assumed you weren’t interested.”
“I still am,” she answered, her voice low and soft.
There was something different about her now, something… soft and broken. Talking about the past must have opened an unhealed wound and left her drained.
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11:53 am D
Chapter 137
.་
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I never talk about my dead lover, not because there was a weight in my chest anytime I do, but more like… there wasn’t just a need to talk about her.
Also, Belladonna being this way, this air of melancholy surrounding her made my chest a little less tight. There was something about melancholy that drew me in. The same could be said about people with that air around them.
“I’ve never dated much,” I said gently. “Never slept around either. That was something my brothers did. I was mostly isolated, both as a child, a teenager, and an adult. Not by force, but by choice.”
She had already shown me some of her wounds and scars. She had opened a part of herself and gave me a glance of who she really was, so it was only fair I did the same.
“I liked being alone, just stuck in my head. It gave me some kind of peace that I couldn’t get with associating with people. So because of that, I never had the chance or motivation to date more, but when I do, it tends to be intense. In so many ways.”
I gave it my all, the relationship, my partners, but it just never seemed to be enough, because no matter how I tried to be there for them, there was always a part of me that remained distant.
So at the end of the day, I get dumped. But my last lover though…
“My last lover, her name was Miranda.”
“Was…” Belladonna muttered, her sound even lower.
“Yes. Was. My other relationships didn’t last. They never stayed. They ask for too much. But Miranda… She was so different. She stayed. She didn’t ask for much, all she wanted… was me. And I gave her all that I was. I didn’t hold back. I showed her every single crook and nook of me, even… even parts that I shouldn’t have. But even when she saw those dark and inhuman parts of me, she still stayed. She stayed while asking for nothing, but I still gave her everything. And then I killed her.”
Belladonna didn’t even flinch. She didn’t tense up, nothing. I finally looked away from the window, turning to her. Her chin was resting on her fist, her gaze fixed outside the window, and she felt so… distant.
“Did you kill her the same way I killed mine?” she asked, her voice creaking.
That made my chest suddenly tight, my breath catching. That weight I talked about? That weight I said I never felt? It was there. It came out of nowhere and settled like it belonged there.
There was an additional person in the car; the driver. But he was invisible. He acted like that too. And to us, he wasn’t even there.
“Yes,” I answered, my voice hoarse.
“Have you gotten over her?”
That weight pushed deeper. “Y–Yes.”
She shook her head, still looking out the window. “That’s cruel, Kade.”
I buried my face in my palms, my breathing picking up. “I know.”
God, how stupid and cruel I was.
I got over Miranda too easily, too quickly. I didn’t suffer like I should.
“You took a life,” Belladonna continued, her voice flat and devoid of any emotion. “You should suffer for it. You shouldn’t get over it so easily.”
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11:53 am
Chapter 137
It was ironic how quickly the tables turned.
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Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.
