Chapter 156
His jaw clenched, and I saw his hands flexing in his pockets. He opened his mouth to speak but then closed it, inhaling deeply before trying again. “You’re seeing me now.”
I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until he said those words. I was bracing myself to hear harsh or crushing words from those lips.
But that still didn’t make me relax. I took a hesitant step closer. “Not like this.”
He tilted his head, his eyes narrowed. “Then like what, exactly?”
“Like before,” I whispered.
Something flickered in his eyes, there and gone the next, too fast for me to catch what it was, but I could tell he was really struggling to maintain his blank mask. His struggling meant he still felt something for me, else the coldness would just come easily like it did in the start.
That filled me with bitter hope. Maybe I haven’t completely ruined everything.
“Before,” he repeated, his voice soft, but still harsh. “There’s no ‘before, Belladonna. You made sure of that. You ruined it before we even got it. So I don’t know how you want to see me.”
His words made me flinch, something in my chest tightening. I took a step towards him, my hand reaching out. “Kade-”
“Don’t,” he warned, his voice low, but the warning in it was unmistakable. He was the one who took a step closer this time, his gaze heavy. “Don’t stand there and look at me like you’re the one in the wrong.”
I blinked rapidly, my hands curling at my sides. “I’m not-”
“Yes, you are,” he cut me off, still trying to maintain his cool but he was failing miserably. “You’re looking at me like I’m the villain in whatever story you’ve written in your head. Like I… like I caused this mess we’re both in. I’m just a man who chooses not to get hurt, Belladonna.”
His words stung sharper than I expected, and I was speechless, unable to say something back, but if I could finally be honest with myself, I would admit that I’ve been looking for faults in what he did. I’ve been telling myself that he’s overreacting That we could keep our relationship the way it was. It doesn’t have to be complicated. I wanted to call him greedy for being selfish and wanting more.
“Say what you want,” he spat, and I couldn’t help but recoil from that look in his eyes. “Go on, Belladonna. I know you’re itching to say it.”
“Why did what we had have to end?” I asked, my voice soft. “Why couldn’t we have gone with what we had
“Don’t beat around the bush and just call me selfish to my face,” he snarled, his teeth bared. Trying to sugarcoat your words is only rubbing salt on the injury.” When I said nothing, he just scoffed, turning his back to me before he faced me again, his expression harsh, and that wild look in his eyes made me take a step back before I realized what I was doing.
He flinched when he saw that movement, his shoulders dropping.
I hadn’t meant to. I really didn’t mean to step away from him, but that look in his eyes had activated the fight or thight instinct in me. He seemed like a predator then, and I felt like the prey. Alarm bells were going off in my head, screaming.
“Run! Run! Run!”
But right now, seeing him look so down and beaten, I wish I had put on a tough front like I always did and just faced him. Kade wouldn’t hurt me. I knew that, and yet I had stepped away from him.
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Chapter 156
I took a step forward, trying to reach out to him. “Kade, listen-”
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“You’re so damn cruel, Belladonna,” he whispered, raising his head and looking at the ceiling. “So damn cruel. Why do you keep doing this to me? Why the fuck won’t you let me be? Why won’t you let me lick my wounds and try to recover? Huh? Fucking answer me!”
He looked back at me, his eyes shining with hurt. I stared at him with my eyes wide. I hadn’t expected that look in his eyes. I didn’t imagine that he would be that hurt.
He took a deep breath, looking away from me. And I could see his walls rebuilding. “Don’t ever speak to me again, Belladonna. And don’t you ever dare ask me to see you alone. We’re going to resume being husband and wife in name only. I’m going to make sure you don’t lose face in the company, because my shares are also at risk here.”
He turned, heading towards the door, his shoulders tensed. He paused, turning his head and looking at me over his shoulder. “Don’t you fucking dare to cross the line again. Do that and I’ll finally act like the villain in your story.”
He left and I just stood still, staring at the door.
It was over this time. I could really tell it was over. I’ve ruined it.
I’ve ruined any chance at happiness. Any chance at love.
“I’ve ruined it,” I whispered as I dropped to the ground, fisting my hair. “I’ve ruined it. I’ve ruined it. I’ve ruined it.” I pulled my hair so hard that dark spots dotted the corner of my vision. “What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you. Belladonna? Are you cursed? Yes. Yes, that’s it. I’m cursed. It’s my name. It’s the damn name!”
Tears flowed down, my eyes wide open. I pulled my hair harder, as if I pulled harder, I could open my head and the answer was seeking would be there.
“It’s the name,” I whispered repeatedly like a broken record, my tears flowing silently and landing on the floor. “It’s the dam name. Why did I have to be named Belladonna? Was there no other name?”
I stayed on the floor for what felt like hours until Gianna finally came.
“Get up,” she said, her voice cold. “You have people to meet.”
“Cancel it,” I answered without raising my head, my voice hoarse.
She said nothing, but I heard her turn, her heels clicking against the floor as she left, but then her steps paused.
“Instead of blaming others,” she said in a low and harsh voice, “or your name, why don’t you blame the real problem? You’re
the real problem. All the blame falls on you, Belladonna. So don’t be a fucking bitch and do a little self–reflection.” Her steps resumed, and her last words came low and harsher, “You’re a shitty person.”
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Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.
