Chapter 143
Chapter 143
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It always feels like I’m going to say too much when I’m around King Baldr. He’s on the phone, growling at someone. I’ve been studying Lycanian since I started working with Eliza, and I can catch a few words. If I’m right, the King has an even bigger team that follows Ragnar around. I don’t know why I find that cute, but I know my mate won’t. I’m surprised he hasn’t figured it out yet.
He drops down into the seat beside me and lets out a heavy sigh. Am I supposed to act like I didn’t somewhat understand that he was just shouting at someone for not informing him that his son was working with the Lycan Mob? That actually sounds improbable. I think Ragnar knows and ordered them not to say anything. Considering who Ragnar is, that’s a high probability.
“Why did you lie for him?” he asks me.
“Same reason I lied for you,” I shrug. He takes a deep breath and clears his throat.
“I am very sorry for that. I never meant for things to look a certain way. Thank you for not taking that to heart. I know it couldn’t have been easy.”
“It’s not the first time I’m accused of being a slut for being an Omega,” I shrug. “It comes with the territory. I learned that very early into my lack of shifting.”
“That’s horrible,” he shakes his head.
“How is her majesty doing?” I ask.
“Very well,” he smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
“Have you spoken to anyone about these mixed emotions you have?” I whisper. He turns to look at me and then looks around the room to make sure no one is listening.
“I don’t know what you mean,” he plays coy. I give him a knowing side glance, and he sighs.
“You know, you’ve done your duty. I know it hasn’t been easy on you. You’ve lost so much, and it’s made you wry. But you must know that your reign is coming to an end. You have the opportunity to become who you want to be. Not something everyone expects you to be. Maybe I’m speaking as a very inconsiderate nepo baby, but you are one of the most feared and respected Kings of your race.
“I know that because I’m studying your history at the moment. Ragnar and I have made a game of it. You also raised two insanely prepared Kings to replace you. Not one, but two. And they hang on to your every word. They adore and respect you. Which means you’re an amazing father.
“This thing between you and my grandmother is taking its toll on the two of you. She’s your best friend, but that doesn’t mean she only belongs to you. It’s a little unfair that you expect her to watch you be happy with someone who isn’t her without finding her own path because clearly you didn’t want her on yours.”
“I know,” he sighs. “But reality isn’t that simple.”
“No, it’s not. Before I knew Ragnar was my mate, he tried to fight just about any male who came near me. 1 know you have reports of him doing that,” I shake my head.
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“I do. He didn’t start acting that way until you came along,” he sighs.
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“And now we know why. However, I didn’t know at first, and I really wanted to be a beta of the realm. So, his scaring away prospects that would help me marry into the Lycan race pissed me off. We fought a lot because of it. His go–to was giving me the silent treatment, and fuck him because that hurt me more than him yelling at me, and he knows that.
“I missed him a lot. I had to swallow my pride and go to him every time, even when it wasn’t my fault. It’s a tactic that Santiago used on me as well because he knew I would fold. It broke something inside of me. Ragnar is always reminding me that when I was a kid, I would do things or say things to get what I wanted.
“But the truth is that I had to stop being myself because of my duty to the pack and my mate. And when that part of me slipped out, I would be punished. No food, the silent treatment, I would get sent home, and I would stay locked in my apartment until I was told I could come out.
“Maybe you’re not doing that exactly, but you’re mated. You have a wonderful wife, and she’s having your child. Whatever could have happened with my grandmother is over. For the same reason, I left Santiago. I can’t, and won’t, share what is mine with anyone else. I would rather go through everything I did again than change my mind. And that’s not something I learned from my parents. You made a choice, and you have to live with that.”
“I don’t want to see,” he says, looking up to see my grandmother walking around James. There’s blood on her blouse already. “I don’t think I can see her with anyone else.”
“You have to, or you’ll lose her completely. You’re already starting to. It feels much worse when you’re looking at someone you shared everything with and realize that they’re now a stranger. That you never really knew them because they played the role in your life you put them in and saw nothing else.
“No matter what position you’re in, you realize that you’re as insignificant as a dust bunny in the wind when the person you want to love you as much as you love them never saw you the way you thought they did.”
“Do you still love him?” he whispers. “Even with his blood on your hands?”
I look down at my hands and think about his question.
“I don’t think I’ve ever loved him more,” I admit. “He was never a part of me the way he is now. He never belonged to me more than he did when I ended his life. You know I felt–feel bad about the lives I’ve taken, but not this one.
“Santiago was a very skilled liar. He did things that fit his agenda, no matter the cost. I honestly believe that if he had mated with Poppy, he would have taken control of her the way he did me. He would have forced her to be as great as he was meant to be. I don’t doubt that he would eventually have killed his parents to take
more than he was owed.
“He was always very ambitious. Everything would have been perfect for him if I had said yes. His plans fell apart when he realized that he didn’t have the hold on me he thought he did. I don’t know if it was love, but his obsession with me brought me comfort to know that he was suffering as much as I was.
“And it was better knowing that he was going feral while I was healing the same way I healed from the attack. Thinking about him no longer hurts my stomach. It feels the same way it did when we first found out we were mates. Does that answer your question?”
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“Yes,” he laughs. “You are definitely Zara’s kin. I find that I enjoy our little talks, Omega. I can’t bring myself to talk about these things with anyone else. I don’t think a shrink understands, I think they want to provide an answer to get us to shut the fuck up and keep doing what we’re supposed to.”
“That’s exactly what I said to Ragnar when he told me to start going to therapy,” I laugh.
“That’s funny. It was he who told me that when I suggested it before I knew you two were mated,” he grins.
“What an asshole,” I roll my eyes. We both laugh. “None of it has ever helped, so if you want to talk about evil thoughts together, I am so down.”
“Thank you,” he laughs.
“You know, she got super crazy when she thought we were sleeping together. It really hurt my feelings, but I couldn’t take it personally. I get it,” I shrug.
“It’s not my child,” he whispers after a while. “If anyone were to find out, Hel is dead, and another of my sons will be motherless.”
“What?” I turn my body to look at him.
“I only touched her when we were mated. I haven’t since. I want to watch over her until the child is born. I haven’t figured out what to do after that.”
I stare at him for a lot longer than it is appropriate.
“The three of you are going to drive us insane, aren’t you?” I sigh heavily.
“We can all be insane together,” he laughs. “So, will you help me?”
“Always,” I nod. “This might be the biggest challenge.you’ve ever given me, sir. You’re a mess.”
Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.
