Chapter 124 124- Never Pretend It’s Just A Crush
LEXI
47
Ellorie opens her mouth to continue, then pauses mid–breath. Her eyes flick past me, focusing on something behind my shoulder. My heart jumps instantly. I turn… And blink. Two full wine glasses are sitting on the low table beside us. Completely untouched. Perfectly poured. I stare at them for a second.
“Alcohol?” I ask, a little incredulous.
“Was that you?” I ask the Academy, glancing vaguely around the room. The fire flares brighter for a moment, the flames licking higher like a pleased response. I huff a quiet laugh.
“Huh… okay. The Academy is encouraging liquid courage now.” I comment. Honestly? Fair.
“Nice,” Ellorie says, far more enthusiastic about this development than I am. She leans forward immediately, grabbing both glasses like she’s been personally gifted them, and hands one to me before taking a sip of her own. I hesitate for half a second. I’m not much of a drinker. Occasionally, sure. Special occasions. Something small. But this? This definitely feels like a moment. I take a decent mouthful. It’s sweet. Surprisingly smooth. And… yeah, I actually like it. That’s probably dangerous.
“Ready for a reality check?” Ellorie asks, already looking far too prepared. I lift a hand.
“One second.” I tell her. I take another, larger sip. Okay. Definitely not pacing myself. Definitely not the time for restraint.
“Okay. Ready.” I say, lowering the glass. Ellorie nods once, like she’s been waiting for that exact cue.
“Here it goes,” she says. And then, she goes. Wow does she go…
“First, you need to stop spiralling,” she starts, her tone firm but not harsh.
“You are NOT overreacting, and you are NOT being dramatic. What he did completely crossed a line. You told him to stop, and he didn’t. He scared you, made you uncomfortable, and restricted your freedom, and that is not okay.” She tells me firmly. I open my mouth
instinctively, ready to soften it, to explain, to… I don’t know exactly.
“No,” she cuts in immediately, pointing at me.
“And don’t you start with ‘he was keeping me safe.‘ I know. I heard you. That doesn’t matter.” She informs me. No doubt in her tone. I
freeze.
“It’s nice that he wants to protect you,” she continues.
“But that does not give him the right to override your free will. You are allowed to make your own decisions. You are allowed to take
responsibility for those decisions AND the consequences that come with them.” She says, leaning forward slightly, her gaze sharp.
1/5
17:37 Tue, Apr 7 d…
Chapter 124 124- Never Pretend It’s Just A Crush
🙂))
“You are even allowed to make stupid decisions if you want to. Not that I’m saying you did, but you’re allowed to.” she adds. I blink at
her.
47
“You are perfectly capable of deciding things for yourself,” she continues, unwavering.
“AND there is no excuse for him taking that from you. Not stress. Not instincts. Not fear.” She exhales slowly, like she’s reining herself in.
“HE has the right to make his own choices too,” she adds, quieter now.
“But that means he has to deal with the outcome. And the outcome is that he damaged your trust. He damaged your relationship.” She pauses and takes a breath. I just… stare at her. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her talk this much in one go. And every single word makes
sense. It settles into me in a way that feels… Validating.
“And, “even if you were being dramatic, that’s your prerogative. He is not entitled to your love or your affection. That’s not something you
owe him.” she continues, because apparently she is absolutely not done. I swallow slightly.
“You COULD walk away from him tomorrow for no reason at all. And that would still be okay. People do it all the time.” She says. That
lands a little heavier. Because… she’s not wrong.
“If he hadn’t apologised, you wouldn’t even be considering giving him another chance. You’d be here trying to figure out how to protect yourself from him.” She adds, more pointedly now. I flinch slightly at that thought. Because… Yeah. Probably.
“As it is, I think you both have a lot of work to do before you’re ready to be in a romantic relationship again. If that’s even what you want.” She continues, her tone softens just a fraction.
“He needs to rebuild your trust. And YOU need to figure out your boundaries. Proper ones. Clear ones. So this doesn’t happen again.” She
says. I nod slowly, almost without meaning to.
“Also, we should work on some self–defence spells. They don’t teach most of them in basic classes, but I’m in advanced. I could help you…” She pauses and looks down at her wine.
“When we’re totally sober,” she amends. I huff out a quiet laugh despite everything. That was… a lot.
I open my mouth to respond.
“AND,” she cuts in again. I freeze. Wow, she’s still not done.
“One more thing. You keep saying you’re useless, and that is really pissing me off.” She continues, crossing her arms. I blink.
“You literally saved my life,” she says bluntly.
“He wasn’t even there. That was all you.” She points out. My grip tightens slightly around my glass.
“YOU were the one who negated the poison. You were the one who warned us when our food was drugged. If Blake had eaten that first, he
2/5
17:37 Tue, Apr 7 d
Chapter 124 124- Never Pretend It’s Just A Crush
would’ve been unconscious before he even realised what was happening.” She reminds me. I hadn’t… thought about it like that.
“And the Academy? I’m pretty sure it helps you because of you. Not him. You treat it like a person. You talk to it. You care,” she adds. I glance toward the door without thinking.
“You learned that barrier spell. You are capable of learning. You’re not stupid. You’re not reckless.” Her voice softens just slightly.
“You’ve been relying on Blake. But if he wasn’t there… you would have figured it out.” She says. Something tight in my chest loosens.
47
“You don’t NEED him,” she says clearly.
“You CAN survive on your own. Would it be harder? Sure. But not impossible.” She assures me. I stare down at my drink.
“So stop linking your safety to your relationship with him. Take that completely out of the equation.” She tells me and silence settles for
a second.
“What you need to figure out, isn’t whether you need Blake.” she says more gently now and meets my eyes.
“It’s whether you want him.” She clarifies. My breath catches slightly.
“But not just if you want him. But if you want him enough despite the sides of him that bother you. Enough to work through this. Enough
to accept the complications that come with him. Enough to rebuild something… if that’s even what you want anymore.” she adds quietly.
Ellprie leans back slightly, finally finished. The room feels very still. The fire crackles softly. My wine sits half–finished in my hand. And
my head is… A mess. But… That mess all circles around one single question.
2
“I… I love Blake.” The words come out before I can stop them. Soft and certain. And once they’re there, I can’t take them back. I stare
down into my wine for a second, watching the surface ripple slightly from where my hand trembles just a little.
2
“I already know that,” I continue, quieter now, but steadier.
“I know he isn’t always… a good person. At least not by my standards.” I add. That part feels important to say. To acknowledge. Because pretending otherwise would just be lying, to Ellorie, to myself. Even Blake has repeatedly said that he isn’t a good person.
“But… I love him because of how he treats me,” I go on, my voice gaining a little strength as the thoughts settle into something clearer.
“Because of his patience. Because of his curiosity. His humour. His dedication.” I continue. Images flicker through my mind as I speak. Blake explaining something to me like it actually matters. Blake watching me like I’m something fascinating instead of something strange,
Blake, awkward and a little stiff, meeting my parents and trying. Really trying.
“I love him because I know he has so much capacity to love inside him, and he isn’t even remotely ashamed of that.” I say, my throat
tightening slightly.
“I love him because he notices things. Little things. Because he remembers them. Because he goes out of his way to make me happy, even
when he doesn’t have to.” I huff a quiet breath, shaking my head slightly.
3/5
17:37 Tue, Apr 7 d
Chapter 124 124- Never Pretend It’s Just A Crush
“He makes me feel brave,” I admit.
47
“Like 1 can handle things I probably shouldn’t be able to handle yet.” That part hurts a little more to say now. Because today… Today he made me feel the opposite.
“I love him because he’s confident and calm and…” I trail off slightly, searching for the word.
“He feels safe.” There it is. Or at least, it was.
“So yeah. I do love him.” I finish quietly. I lift my gaze back to Ellorie.
“Despite the fact that he’s bossy,” I add with a weak huff of humour.
“Despite the fact that he’s secretive and struggles to talk about himself beyond surface–level stuff. Despite the fact that he has instincts and tendencies that honestly… scare me sometimes.” I admit, my fingers tighten slightly around the glass.
“I do love him,” I repeat. The words sit there for a moment. Heavy and real.
“But… It still scares me.” I whisper. There it is. The part that won’t go away. I swallow.
“I want him. I really do.” I admit. That’s the problem. That’s what makes this so hard.
“But I’m not sure that we should always have everything we want,” I add. The thought feels… uncomfortably mature. Uncomfortable in
general.
“Because he and I…” I hesitate, then push through it.
“We have very different morals. Different values. Different beliefs about what’s right and what’s wrong. About what’s okay and what
isn’t… So what if… What if feelings aside, we just… aren’t compatible?” I say with a heavy sigh. The room goes quiet again. The fire
crackles. The candles flicker. And I realise that once I started talking, I couldn’t stop. Maybe it’s the wine. Maybe it’s just… everything
finally spilling over. I probably needed to talk about this weeks ago. Ellorie hums softly, thinking.
“Hm… I don’t know,” she says eventually. I blink at her.
“You don’t know?” I repeat, a little incredulous.
“After everything you just said, now you don’t have anything else to add?” There’s a hint of desperation in my voice. I can hear it. She
shrugs slightly, not offended.
“I don’t,” she says simply.
“But my mum always told me that relationships are about compromise.” She tells me. I frown slightly, listening,
“There are things you can compromise on, and things you can’t. Not without giving up a part of yourself.” she continues.
4/5
17:37 Tue, Apr 7 d.
Chapter 124 124- Never Pretend It’s Just A Crush
47
“So… figure out which is which for you. Figure out if there’s a middle ground you can both live with. Something that doesn’t cost you who
you are.” She says. I stare at her, absorbing that.
“You won’t know unless you try,” she adds gently. And then, after a small pause she continues.
“And if you can’t… “Well… I’ll still be here.” She gives a small, crooked smile and lifts her glass slightly. A tiny bit of warmth flickers in
my chest.
“And we can drink more wine.” She adds with a smile.
Comments
Lisa McNew
2
6 Comments >
this was a very deep chapter and gave me a lot to think about when it comes to my own relationships. *hugs*
10 hours ago
14
SHARE
3
01
5/5
Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.
