Chapter 111
“Summer,” I whisper in horror. “How can you say that?”
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June sniffs, reaching up to wipe the tears streaming down her cheeks. “If I died, you would be free.”
“Stop saying that,” I hiss, my chest rising and falling like I’ve just run a marathon.
“Maybe not even at the stables. I should have died when mom and dad did!”
“June!”
“What?” she snaps. “Are you saying you’ve never wished that? You’ve never had an intrusive thought that if I were dead, your life would be much easier?”
Tears clog my throat, and my voice is a strangled mess when I say, “How can you say such awful things, June? You being alive is the single most miraculous thing in my life.”
“See?” She throws her hands up in the air. “That’s not normal, April. Your life shouldn’t revolve around me.”
“But-”
“Have you ever thought about how I feel?” she asks. “Watching you give and give and give, and all I can do is take, knowing it’s killing you in the process. I hate it. I hate myself!”
I stare at my sister, stunned. It feels like I’m looking at a stranger. My nine–year–old sister cannot possibly be saying such ugly, heart- wrenching things.
I blink, and a tear rolls down my face.
June’s eyes latch onto it, and she follows its trail down my face till it drops on my fisted palm.
Her lips wobble, and she suddenly bursts into tears.
Without an ounce of hesitation, I reach out and pull her to me. Her head rests against my chest, and my arms hold her tight as sobs wrack through her fragile body.
Reeling, I don’t have words to say, so I just hold my sister while she cries, my own tears running down my face, dripping onto her hair.
With every sob that spills out of her lips onto my chest, every tear that soaks my shirt, a piece of my heart cracks, pulling apart and evaporating like dust.
I have no sense of time in this moment, but finally, June’s sobs subside, and I gently pull away, cupping her face.
Using my thumbs, I wipe away the tear tracks on her cheeks and use my sleeve to clean up her runny nose.
“You can go to stay with Penny,” I say softly.
She seems startled, as if she forgot that was what started all this. “You mean that? You’re okay with it?”
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Chapter 111
I shake my head. “No, Summer, I’m not okay with it.” I sigh heavily. “But I never want you to hate yourself because of me.”
She shakes her head. “I didn’t say that to gaslight you or anything, I-”
“No, it’s okay, I get it.”
I pull her back to me and cradle her head against my chest. She grips the fabric of my shirt tightly.
“The fact of the matter, Summer, is that you’re my baby,” I say softly, placing my chin on her head. “Nothing is ever going to change that. No matter how old you grow or what life throws at us. I will always, always put you first. But I understand I’ve held you close with too tight a fist. I live every day terrified that you’ll get hurt, that I’ll lose you the way I lost Mom and Dad. I didn’t realize that I was suffocating you.”
I sigh. “I’m so, so sorry, Summer.”
June’s grip on me tightens. “I don’t really wish I was dead,” she says, her voice a harsh whisper. “I just wish you had a happier life.”
“I do,” I insist. “Do you think if you died, I would be able to go to parties or date boys or live a reckless college life? Your death would ruin me, Summer.”
“I’m sorry,” she sniffs. “I’m so sorry, Spring.”
I have the urge to tighten my arms around her, but I restrain myself. I have to learn to stop suffocating my sister, literally and figuratively.
I know it’s going to be monumentally hard to release the reins, but I have to try. I would do anything for June, even this, no matter how much it hurts.
As I cradle her in my arms, I realize she’s right. I’m a twenty–one–year–old single mother, and this moment feels like I’m letting go of my
child.
***
A muffled thud jolts me awake.
I blink furiously, trying to adjust my vision to the dimly lit room. Tense, I strain my ears, wondering what the sound was.
I hear something again–like the scraping of metal against tile, and all my senses go on high alert.
I unwrap my arms from around June. I don’t know if it’s an effect of the emotions she unloaded or the guilt she feels from all the things she said, but June clings tightly to me, even in sleep.
I hear a clang, followed by a whispered curse, and my heart rate speeds up.
Other than Penny–who wouldn’t be sneaking around and making weird noises–there shouldn’t be anyone in the infirmary at this time.
And if someone who shouldn’t be here is skulking around…
Oh God, did they come to finish what they started with June?
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Chapter 111
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As gently as I can, I disentangle June’s arms from my torso and climb out of bed. In the dark, my feet miss my slippers, but I don’t really care about that right now.
I pad out of the room, the cold tile floor sending goosebumps all over my skin. Or maybe it’s the fear that my sister’s attacker is sneaking around, ready to finish the job.
I step out of June’s room and freeze when I hear a loud crashing sound–like boxes falling over one another.
This attacker must have missed the Stealth class in Assassin Academy.
I grab an idle drip stand from the bedside closest to the door and walk out, gripping it like a bat.
It’s a little easier to see out in the hallway, thanks to the perimeter lights shining through the large equidistant windows.
I follow the sound down the hall to what looks like a doctor’s office. Taking a deep breath, I push the door open as quietly as I can.
The room is dark, but my eyes zero in on a beam of light moving behind a large desk in the middle of the room. Whoever it is is on the floor behind the desk, and the sounds I hear tell me they’re rummaging through drawers. A stack of documents is scattered on the floor, which must have caused the crashing sound I heard earlier.
Confusion momentarily stalls me. If they’re here for June, why are they looking through drawers in an office? What the fuck is going on?
Holding my drip stand like a javelin, I plant myself at the door.
“Whoever the fuck you are,” I call out in a surprisingly steady voice. “Come out with your hands up. I’m armed, and if you try any bullshit with me, I’ll skip the hospital and send you straight to the morgue.”
Silence greets me, and I tighten my grip on the metal rod. “I’m not playing, asshole. If you think you can mess with my sister and-”
“April, it’s me. Nathan.”
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