Chapter 177
As Amber sat at the kitchen table, her fingers absentmindedly tracing
the rim of her coffee mug, the weight of the last few weeks pressed
heavily on her chest. The morning sun filtered softly through the
kitchen window, casting warm light over the countertops, but to
Amber, everything felt distant, as though she were watching the
world from behind a fogged glass. Her thoughts were consumed by
the days that lay ahead, and the looming uncertainty that hung over
her like a dark cloud. Though there were moments of laughter, brief
moments when her family’s love would pull her from the depths of
her worries, they were fleeting, eclipsed by the persistent, suffocating
tension of waiting for the next chemotherapy session.
Her fingers trembled slightly as they lingered on the edge of the mug,
the warmth doing little to soothe the chill in her bones. Her body felt
different these days, alien and unfamiliar, as if it was no longer hers.
The weight loss, the nausea, the bone–deep exhaustion–each day
brought a new challenge, a new reminder that this was no longer the
life she had once known. But the hardest part wasn’t the physical
battle; it was the emotional toll, the fear that threatened to overtake
her when she allowed herself to feel too much.
Luca, her rock, was trying so hard to keep it together. His presence
was a comfort to her in ways he would never understand, yet there
were moments, subtle and unspoken, when she could see the cracks
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starting to form. His once easy smile was strained, and the warmth
that had always radiated from him seemed to flicker, dimmed by the
weight of their shared burden. She could sense the exhaustion in the
way he moved, the way his shoulders slumped a little lower each day,
the way his hands sometimes shook as he prepared meals or tucked
Nico into bed. Amber knew he was doing his best to hold it all
together, to shield her from the full force of his worries, but it was
becoming more and more apparent that he was struggling.
There was a sadness in Luca’s eyes that Amber couldn’t ignore. It
wasn’t just the concern for her health; it was the deeper fear that
gripped him, the fear of what might happen to their family, to their
future. Amber could see it in the quiet moments when they were
alone, when he thought she was too tired or too distracted to notice.
He’d watch her, not with pity, but with an intensity that broke her
heart. His gaze would linger on her a little too long, as if he were
memorizing her face, capturing every detail before it faded away.
There were times when she could feel his eyes on her, even when they
weren’t speaking, when he was lost in thought, and it was in those
moments that the depth of his fear became almost tangible. It was a
quiet kind of panic, one that was hard to put into words, but she felt
it in the way his hands would hover just above her skin, never quite
touching her but always ready to catch her if she fell.
Amber wanted to shield him from that fear, to assure him that
everything would be okay, but the truth was, she wasn’t sure if it would be. She didn’t want to add to his burden, didn’t want to admit
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that she, too, was terrified. So, she said nothing, instead focusing on
the little moments of normalcy she could still hold on to. The gentle.
rhythm of daily life–getting Nico ready for school, making their
breakfast, laughing at the small things–was a lifeline for them both,
something that kept them grounded even as everything else felt
uncertain. But even as she tried to hold on to these pieces of normal,
she knew Luca could feel the fear, too.
There were nights when Amber would wake up, heart racing, body
drenched in sweat, and find Luca already awake, sitting in the dark,
his face etched with concern. They didn’t speak about it; there was no
need. The fear hung in the air between them, thick and suffocating,
but neither of them had the words for it. Luca would reach out, his
hand warm against her back, his fingers grazing her skin as if trying
to reassure himself that she was still there, still alive. She could feel
his breath against her neck, the quiet tremble in his fingertips, and
she knew that he was as scared as she was–perhaps more so, because
he had to watch her go through it all.
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