Chapter 2
Derek doesn’t pick me up from the hospital.
Instead, he sends a text with a screenshot of an Uber payment.
“Ride’s paid for. Per our agreement, this covers my spousal transportation obligations.”
I actually laugh looking at my phone.
Perfect.
Back at what he calls our “home”-this sterile, picture-perfect house that feels like a showroom-everything’s exactly how I left it. Clean, cold, lifeless.
Derek’s on the couch with his laptop, typing away at something important. When I walk in, he doesn’t even look Just points at the coffee table.
‘Monthly bills. Already divided per our agreement. Transfer me your portion.”
There’s this printed spreadsheet sitting there-water, electric, gas, HOA fees… hell, he’s even calculated the electricity cost for when I ironed his shirts before his business trip. Down to the penny.
Guy’s thorough, I’ll give him that.
‘Oh, and-” He finally looks up. “Here’s a list of supplements you need post-miscarriage. Already consulted a iutritionist and covered the cost. You can Venmo me. The consultation fee too, obviously.”
nod and pull out my phone, transferring every single charge.
Derek.”
He’s already diving back into work mode, but I stop him.
According to our Domestic Affairs Agreement, section 3.1-cleaning common areas is a shared responsibility. While I was in the hospital, you were the only one here generating trash, using the kitchen, living room, bathrooms. by our own terms, that cleaning falls entirely on you. Right?”
My voice is perfectly calm.
Derek’s fingers freeze over the keyboard.
le stares at me like I just spoke Martian. In his mind, I’ve always been the “good wife” who follows rules instead of ising them.
…Right.” The word comes out like he’s choking on it.
16:11
I’m on the Operating Table and You Venmo Request HALF21 Die Mad Bro!
7.1%
“Great,” I continue. “Also, per section 2.4 on quantified household labor standards-1 calculated your daily waste output at about one pound, requiring roughly fifteen minutes of cleanup. Five days in the hospital means five pounds of garbage and seventy-five minutes of accumulated cleaning. At the city’s average housekeeping rate of twenty dollars per hour, that’s twenty-five bucks in labor value. You can either handle it yourself or pay me to take care of it.”
I’m using his exact tone-flat, emotionless, purely transactional.
Derek’s face goes dark for the first time since I’ve known him.
Guess he never imagined his precious rules could be turned against him.
‘Jess, do we really have to nickel and dime everything?” There’s actual irritation in his voice now.
I smile.
‘You taught me this, Derek. You said this is how modern marriages work-CLEAN AND FAIR.”
hit those last two words extra hard.
He’s speechless. Finally pulls out his wallet, slaps a fifty on the table.
‘Keep the change.” Then he storms into his office and slams the door.
pick up that bill and slide it into my pocket.
This is just the beginning.
Starting today, I’m giving him back every cold, calculated thing he’s ever done to me-with interest.
Time for him to learn what a marriage built purely on contracts really feels like.
16:11
I’m on the Operating Table and You Venmo-Request HALF?! Die Mad. Bro!
7.4%
