Prologue
Broken promises ache as badly as hunger. Humiliation stings like getting lemon juice in a paper cut. This goes beyond that. This betrayal goes beyond the lies and expectations of what we are and what we’ve been raised to believe. It goes against everything that makes us what we are. No matter our rank.
I watch from the terrace of the apartment I got for my mate and me when he returned from his alpha training last year. I had been so excited to see him after we spent our senior year apart. I gave up going to my dream school to stay here with him.
Santiago Romano held me in his arms, sold me pretty lies, and loved me the way he had promised before leaving. A part of me knew that I would be discarded after the full moon fell on my sixteenth birthday, and I didn’t shift. I spent days avoiding him, trying to deny that someone from a Beta bloodline as strong as mine would be reduced to nothing but a lowly omega.
Everything had been perfect before that. We had met the day we both started at Artume Academy—two years after one of the cruellest rogue attacks in werewolf history. There were six hundred and eighty-seven casualties that night. I barely survived. I shouldn’t have, but I did. I’ve never wished to have died there more than I wish it now.
My goddess-given mate has chosen his Luna. It’s being televised for the world to see that I wasn’t anywhere near enough to stand beside him. His parents hand-picked his Luna to carry his name, his legacy, and his heirs.
Poppy Turner is wearing my dream dress with a huge smile plastered on her face. Her arm is looped through my mate’s, and the two of them look like the perfect match as they walk into the moon goddess temple for their official mating ceremony.
I turn the TV off and look down at my phone to see the message he sent me just before arriving at the temple. Three little words that don’t mean shit to me anymore. This is for the pack, he said. You’ll be better protected. You can now study to be a surgeon without the responsibilities of a Luna. I’ll never leave you. You’re the one I love—my true mate.
Lies.
The sick part is that there’s a part of me that would accept this. I’d be his mistress, watching him build that life that should be ours with her. There’s a darker side that looks back to the night of the attack. The night I saved her from the rogues, while my family was fighting. While they were dying. I should have left her there to be torn apart.
I want to leave here. Run away and never look back. I have the means for it. All I’d have to do is call my grandmother to tell her I’ve had enough. She’d come for me in an instant. I know she would. But it wouldn’t solve anything, and I’d be leaving everything I’ve worked so hard to obtain behind.
There are three months left until the end of the semester. I’d lose all my credits, and my GPA would drop if I left now. It’s all I have left. This career is the only thing that is going to keep me going for a while because this wound, like the loss of my family, it’s going to take some time to heal.
I spend the rest of my night reviewing my notes for my upcoming exam. It’s almost eight when my phone rings. I reach for it to see my Grandmother’s name and a picture of the two of us at my graduation last year.
“Hey, GG,” I answer.
“Don’t hey, GG, me young lady,” she says in her thick Swedish accent. “What is the meaning of this, Sophia?”
“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.
“Did he reject you properly?” she demands.
“No, he doesn’t want to. He said that she’d be his Luna only in name.”
“I want you to come live with me, Sophia. You need not be where you are not welcome. Why haven’t you called to let me know what’s happening? I would have sent for you immediately,” her tone is urgent.
“Because you were on business for the King. I didn’t want to bother you with something so trivial,” I shut my laptop and close my notebook.
“Trivial? My love, this is not something to be taken lightly. You are in pain. It will get worse once you reject him. It’ll feel like a part of your soul is being torn away.”
“Please, don’t make me feel worse than I already do,” I sigh. “I can’t just gather my things to leave. I have school and work. I’m not just his discarded mate. I’m more than just a floormat. This is why I didn’t call you: I knew you’d want to come here immediately, and I don’t want to lose myself over this. Leaving is a last resort.”
“Leaving?” I look up to see Santiago standing in the doorway of my home office, still dressed in his ceremonial suit.
“GG, I have to go.” I look away. “I love you.”
“Sophia-” I hang up before she can say anything else.
“What do you mean you’re leaving as a last resort?” he storms into the room and pulls my chair away from the desk to make me look up at him. I don’t meet his gaze. “I told you that she means nothing to me. You’re my mate. You’re not going anywhere.”
I don’t answer him. I push him away when her scent hits me. It’s all over him.
“I don’t want you here right now. You’re tainting my space with her scent. I can barely stand to look at you,” I say calmly.
“You’re being so fucking dramatic, right now. I didn’t have a choice, Soph. I’m not doing this to hurt you. I came home to you. You’re my mate. You’re the one I’m in love with. This is for our pack. You’re turning your back on me to hurt me. You’re acting as if I were the one at fault here,” he growls. I cry out when he grabs my arm and spins me around to face him. “You’re not leaving me. There is not a single fucking place in this world you can go where I won’t find you.
“You run, and you’re only going to be making things worse for me,” he grips both my arms with too much force.
“You’re hurting me,” I try to pull away. He shoves me hard. Stumble back, hitting my head on the doorknob. The sting blinds me for a moment, but I don’t have enough time to process it.
“Look what you made me do,” he says, dropping to the floor beside me. His hand presses on the spot I just banged against the doorknob. “Soph, I didn’t mean to. I panicked.”
“Get away from me,” I manage to cry out. His hand tightens around my throat.
“You’re not leaving me,” he pulls me into him. His eyes are bright red, and his canines are out. “Say it. Say you’re going to stay, Sophia.”
He leans into me, and for a second, my heart races when his teeth graze the curve where my neck and shoulder meet. The place he’s told me wants to mark me. But he pulls away to cup my face to make sure I’m looking back at him.
I’ve been in love with this boy since the first time I set eyes on him when I was fourteen years old. I thought I knew him. All of him. But the person in front of me is not the man I thought he was becoming. I don’t recognise him at all. All I can do is stare back at him, fear and disbelief in my eyes.
“Say it!” he shouts at the top of his lungs, making me jump.
“I’m going to stay,” I choke out. The lie tastes rancid on my tongue.
“You can’t leave,” his wolf retreats, and I stare at his baby blue eyes as they fill with tears. “You can’t leave me. I need you. I need you, Sophia. And you need me. Only I can protect you. You’re mine.”
1
Everyone is staring at me when I walk into my office after my classes are done. I can feel their gazes on my skin as I hurry over to the elevator. When I get to the maternity floor, I rush into the locker room to get ready for my shift.
“Soph?” I look back at my best friend, Poppy’s half sister. She’s the last person I want to see right now, but there’s not much I can do about it since we have the same shift.
“Hey, Lieza,” I greet her. The pitiful expression on her face hurts. “Don’t.”
“This is awkward,” she says, scratching the back of her ear nervously. “But the alpha sent roses.”
“What?” I ask, confused.
I locked myself in the home office and slept on my giant bean bag last night. When I woke up, he was gone. He slept in the apartment. The bed had been undone, and his suit was on the floor, where he took it off, expecting me to clean it up. I would have left it there if I didn’t hate having a messy room. I threw it away on my way out of the building.
I finish putting my things away and follow her out. On the reception desk are five massive bouquets of roses and sunflowers. The nurses are all cooing over them.
“Here, they came with this,” Lieza says, holding up a hot-pink envelope. He wrote my name on it by hand.
“These are so beautiful,” Layla, one of the ultrasound techs, smiles at me.
“You guys can have them,” I say, going over to my computer. “I don’t care for flowers.”
“They were a gift from your mate,” Kennedy reminds me.
“I don’t have a mate,” I say.
Putting it out there hits me hard like getting mauled by a rogue after having watched it tear my brother to pieces seconds before.
They don’t say anything, but they understand, and the flowers disappear. I go about my day as usual, then head home after my shift. His car is here when I arrive. I don’t park; I head back out right away. I need some time away from him—time to piece together my thoughts.
Artume General Hospital is located near the main strip, where tourists frequently gather. The restaurants and stores are all open late. I have dinner at my favorite Korean BBQ spot and keep to myself, not wanting to draw any attention. As I have my dinner, I can’t help but think about the night I found out I wasn’t worthy of having a wolf. It was a night a lot like this one.
My grandmother was sitting behind me in our backyard as the sun came up. It marked the night of the full moon in my birth month, and nothing happened. I didn’t feel any different, and I didn’t hear the sound of my wolf’s spirit.
“It could be late because of the trauma from the attack,” she said, crouching down in front of me. I couldn’t bring myself to look up at her. “Go back to school on Monday, and we’ll meet again next month. I’ll book an appointment for you later today. Go to bed.”
There’s never been an omega in my bloodline. Ever. It was why the Helvigs were accepted into the city ranking system. My father had made a name for himself before he met my mother, who is from here. My grandmother encouraged him to relocate so he would have better opportunities.
My body was shaking. All I could think was, what am I going to say to Santiago? How will his family react to me being what I am? They don’t have to say it for me to know what was happening. I knew what was happening. I have been deemed an unworthy vessel.
My phone pinged as if my thoughts summoned him. His name and our picture pop up on the screen with the voice memo.
“I’m looking forward to seeing you on Monday. I love you.”
There is a tiny chance that my wolf is late because of the surgeries I had after the attack. I was twelve. That was almost seven years ago.
I couldn’t bring myself to open the following message, let alone reply. I dry my hair and curl up under the blankets. Sleep didn’t come, but after a few hours, my grandmother came in to tell me that I have an appointment to get checked out.
I got dressed, and we headed over to the clinic. I’m sure she’s paid the doctor and the staff to keep all of this quiet.
“Hey, Sophie,” Dr. Valkrie greeted me the way she used to when I first met her. We all thought I was going to die then, and being an omega in my family has felt just like that.
“Hey,” I greeted her quietly.
“Okay,” she took a deep breath and smiled. She glanced over at my Grandmother, and it’s all it took for her to leave the two of us alone. “There are a lot of reasons why your wolf is a little late. Have you been stressed lately? Anything you want to tell me before I start probing?”
“A little,” I nodded. “I found my mate, or rather, he found me.”
“Congratulations,” she smiled. “Why would this be stressful for you? This is a good thing.”
“He’s the next alpha of the city,” I whisper.
She tensed up, and I knew exactly what she was thinking. I had been thinking about it all night. Alpha and Luna Romano are not going to like that. Luna Romano is Alpha Romano’s chosen mate. No one really knows what happened to their true mates or if they ever had one at all. Dr. Valkrie leans forward to hug me. She sniffs me and then sits back.
“You’ve mated with him,” she states knowingly. I nod. “We can start there, but I have to be honest with you. If being with your mate doesn’t bring her out, the possibility that you are an omega is high. It can be due to all the damage that was done in the attack-”
“That’s not what I want to hear,” I cried.
“I know. I know, Soph. The only way that this can move forward is probably if he marks you, but even then, the chances of the wolf you turn into being a higher rank are low. You have to drop combat training.
“You have to tell him because if you lie, it’s going to look very bad on you. I’m going to take some blood samples to ensure everything is okay. But I don’t want you to get your hopes up. Okay?”
I couldn’t answer her. I swallow the knot in my throat and let her take the blood sample. I spent the rest of my weekend alone in my room.
“Come down,” my grandmother ordered on Sunday afternoon. She has her luggage ready, which means she’ll be going back to Blackstone—lycan domain.
“Thank you for coming, Grandma,” I said. She let out a heavy sigh and tilted my head up.
“You survived one of the most gruesome attacks in our history, little one. You gave up a part of you to ensure that justice was served to avenge your family. Don’t let anyone take that from you. Do you understand?”
“Yes,” I choked out, but I didn’t believe it.
“Come,” she opened the door that led into the garage. I walk in with her. Inside is a cobalt blue Volkswagen Beetle convertible. “You mother had this arranged from the moment she found out she was having a girl.
“Helvig women are rare. Unfortunately, it has always been the men who have taken the glory in our bloodline. So, we were very excited when you were born. Finally, a little girl we can all dote on. Take care of it. Yes?”
“Thank you,” I nodded and wrapped my arms around her.
Grandma has always had an icy aura about her. I was under the impression that she hated my mother and me. Perhaps it’s not hate, but the lingering coldness of having to serve under the Lycan King.
Grandma Zaraphine is about four or five inches shorter than I am. Her hair is black, highlighted by the grays and whites growing out. She doesn’t look old, but her eyes give away her age. She’s always been very elegant and refined. I wanted to be just like her. It was why I gave up on the medical program and joined the combat team at the start of my training.
I started to cry again, and for the first time, she tightened her hold on me. I don’t know how long we stayed this way, but when she finally pulled away, she wiped away my tears. She stared at me for a bit before letting me go.
“Things will change for you, Little one. Drastically. If you need me to pick you up, call me. Do not hesitate. Do you understand? You are still a Helvig, and I will not allow you to be disrespected in any way. If I am unable to come personally, I will send someone on my behalf. Okay?”
“Okay,” I nodded.
“I must be going. Try to keep this to yourself for as long as you can.”
“I can’t,” I inform her.
“Why not?”
“Santiago is my mate,” I confessed. She inhaled deeply and pulled me into her again.
“You call me immediately if you need me, Sophia. Do you understand?”
“Yes,”
“I must go. I promised my general I’d be back before sundown. My heart stays here with you, Granddaughter. As always.”
“Be safe,” I nod.
I unlocked the car and climbed inside. It smelled brand new. Like that night, I sit here not knowing what to do. I can feel my phone buzzing in my pocket, but I don’t have the energy to reach for it. I shut my eyes, needing a moment of peace. Anything to get my head out of the thoughts attacking the very essence of my soul.
I am unworthy. There was no wolf spirit for me and no mate.
