Chapter 106
1365 Vouchers
The drive to the King Temple has gone in vain. None of the scribes is here. The temple is guarded by trained wolves. I hadn’t seen them the last time I was here, but as we make our way inside, it feels as if some of them recognize me. I’d never been around actual wolves before. It’s illegal to keep them like this in the packlands, but they seem to be thriving here.
I’m not sure where Ragnar disappeared to, but he’s holding a stack of books and some scrolls when he emerges from the back of the altar. I immediately recognize some of them from the books I’ve been studying with Eliza.
“I have these.” I inform him and set them aside.
“What? How?” he asks.
“Eliza has been helping me with learning your traditions and customs as the royal family. There’s nothing in these books about blood oaths. I think you want to check spells in rituals for elementals. I read that they originate from those who are close to the elements, like this. You should look into fire in particular.” .
“You’re studying my customs?” he asks, his expression softening.
“Of course, it’s going to be a part of me as well,” I nod. “I like to be prepared for stuff.”
“Fire elements,” he sighs and pulls out a couple of books before gathering the rest, He pauses just as he’s going to disappear again. “Would you like to come with me?”
“I would. One day, but the last thing either of us needs is for me to fall in love with whatever is back there and have your dad rage about us coming here more than we should,” I smile and take one of the books he left behind. He grins and takes off again.
When he comes back with another stack of books, we head back to the car and pack everything in. As we’re leaving, one of the wolves stops right beside me. I pause, not wanting to agitate it. I catch her scent when she leans in, nudging my hand with her nose. I smile and slowly raise my hand to pet her. She snuggles up beside me and then turns to walk away. I watch her join another wolf surrounded by a litter of pups.
She’s white peppered with little patches of black. The tips of her ears and tail look like they’ve been dipped in ink, and the pups share some of her similarities. I can’t help but smile as she shows me her beautiful family. A bigger wolf approaches the two females. He’s pitch black and looks back at me before lying down to allow the pups to jump on him.
I get in the car and feel a tidal wave of nostalgia fall over me. I push it back because there is no reason for me to want something that never existed. As a teenager, the idea of shifting was everything, and with each passing full moon, I felt like I lost a piece of myself.
The looks I got as the alpha’s mate crushed me, and I was never allowed to address anything. I couldn’t stand up for myself because it would look like I was attacking pack members. I couldn’t argue because it would have been dangerous if I agitated someone enough to make them shift. Luna Romano scolded me every time I dared get angry.
The comments were the worst. The jokes. The backhanded compliments that ended with the words for an omega. It always felt like I was being punished for something. Not just by the pack and Santiago’s parents, but by fate itself.
These past three years have me questioning whether fate knew I would end up here. Maybe I was punished for the abortion, for turning my back on the people I was meant to protect. That may be the worst thing I did was raise these claws to end the lives of the people I once considered my family.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that life is cruel and no matter how much I want to deny it, life has a way of showing me that things are the way they’re supposed to be and that it’s up to me to make the most of all of it. Afterall, all the things I thought I lost never existed to begin with. It was all a lie. My perfect mating. The path I thought I had chosen. In the end, it all ended before it could even start.
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10:19 am PDD
PODO
Chapter 106
55 vouchers
“Are you all right?” Ragnar asks when we’re almost home.
“Yes,” I nod, and for the first time in a long time, it feels like the truth. “I’ve been thinking about what you told me. How Seraph said it was up to you.”
“She’s fucking crazy,” he rolls his eyes.
“Yeah, I’m not going to fight you there, but it makes a little sense. It’s okay if you’re having trouble letting go. I don’t think you should regret taking that oath. It taught you a lot about yourself. You’re your own person, and because of it, you’ve never needed the validation of others to know your worth.
“It’s one thing I admire about you. Your confidence and how much you love everything you’re becoming. It’s not something very many people have. Especially where I come from. Everything about female wolves is valued based on who they are mated to or on their rank. As the lowest rank, I learned to value what I represented as Santiago’s mate.
“It’s shallow, but when I saw him on TV marrying Poppy, I lost more than just my mate. I lost everything I thought I was worth. For a while, I considered rolling over and giving him what he wanted because it did feel like I was nothing without him.
“Before Ivar showed up, I had given up. I let him hurt me, violate me, and disrespect me because I honestly believed I was nothing. My entire personality was consistent of being Santiago’s mate and nothing else. And it was really hard to let it go. There were days leading up to the rejection when I would try to find the words to tell Ivar to go home. That I wasn’t going anywhere because I thought that this was all I’d ever have to offer.
“I felt like I was drowning in guilt, hurt, resentment, and pity, but I still didn’t want to let it go. It wasn’t all bad. There are moments of happiness that haunt me now. And maybe they’re going to haunt me forever because I thought they were real.
“My life in Artume City wasn’t easy, but I told myself it was all worth putting up with as long as he loved me and accepted that I was as useless as everyone told me I was. And I know it’s not the same thing. It wasn’t fair to compare what happened to me to what happened to you and your mate. But your pain is real, and believe me when I say that I understand that you need more time. That we need more time to heal from all of this because it’s not something we can just brush off.
“That scar, like the emptiness I feel, is proof that we survived something that has killed many others. And like every other thing that we love that isn’t healthy for us, we’ve become addicted to it. You can take your time to heal from this, Ragnar. You have every right. It’s up to us to decide how we move forward. Even if it’s one baby step at a time. I’m here just like you’ve been here for me from the start. I’m not going anywhere.”
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Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.
