Chapter 107
Ragnar
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Sophia’s words hit me hard because I didn’t expect them to hit home the way they did. I let her help me take the books I borrowed from the Temple archives up to her study, and I can tell that she’s kind of excited to peek into them herself. I excuse myself to shower and change into something comfortable.
I give myself a moment to gather my thoughts. Sophia’s confession has both given me the courage to tell her what I felt when I saw my mother in the entrance of that cave, and not Clarity. And it’s also made me respect her that much more. I didn’t want to believe that the child she carried had been conceived by force.
The coldness with which she addressed him makes more sense now because, for the life of me, I didn’t understand how she had just gone from the lovestruck girl she had been to wanting to destroy him and his entire family. I knew I wanted to do that because fuck him.
I want nothing more than for these people to pay for everything they have done, but honestly, I don’t care what they did to the rest of the world anymore. I want to annihilate them for the way they made her suffer. To ease some of the guilt I feel for leaving her at their mercy, thinking she was being taken care of. I’m not the man she thinks I am. I’m selfish and capable of things she can’t even imagine.
I’ve taken countless lives and humiliated my own for looking at me the wrong way. I can’t erase what was done to her, but I can burn them all to hell for it. I will stop at nothing until the Romanos are lying cold and unmoving at her little feet.
“This book on fire elementals is amazing,” is the first thing she says to me.
Sophia has a little booklet beside her filled with bunny–shaped sticky notes. She’s read a few pages already, and I can see the bunny ears sticking out from the top of the pages where she’s taken notes on them to go back later. She also has a notebook with things written in her pretty script.
I’ve never admitted this, but this is my favorite version of her. She’s wearing a big Bad Omens T–shirt. Her long hair is up in a messy bun. She’s wearing a pair of glasses, and she’s completely engrossed in everything in front of her. There’s a little smile tugging at her lips as she mouths some of the words on one page to herself while she’s taking notes.
I take the book from her, and the disappointment in her big blue eyes makes me smile. I take them off because I know she only wears them to keep herself from wandering off from what’s in front of her.
“This can wait,” I say. I think she understands that I want to say something to her because she closes the notebook and sets everything aside. “You’re right,” I admit. “About everything. I’ve lived with this mark for so long that it was all that mattered.
“I wanted to keep this oath for the rest of my life because it represented everything that Clarity and I were denied when she was murdered. When I took this oath, I knelt down in front of the altar of Kings and swore I hated the gods for taking her, and I would be the last of my bloodline to spite their carefully curated genetics.
“As I dragged the dagger across my chest to show them that I was willing to offer up my blood to keep this oath, I knew that it was wrong. And that one day, I would have to ask for forgiveness. But in that moment, it didn’t matter because I was burning up with grief.
“The day I began the process to break the oath, it wasn’t just for you. I had wanted to take it back for years. Despite what had happened, I was very blessed to still have my father and my brother. As well as your grandmother. I begged for forgiveness, and I recited my oath as the King to the Lycan throne to show my gratitude for the life I was given and you.
“When I went into the waters to speak to whoever would answer, I know I shouldn’t have, but I felt disappointed that it was my mother who answered my call to the ancestors. I wanted to see her. I wanted to apologize for letting you in so easily. For allowing you to step into the position that I always wanted her to take.
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Chapter 107
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“I wanted to face her one last time to tell her that I would never stop loving her, but that I needed to move on. So, when I saw my mother, a part of me believes that Clarity didn’t show because she’s mad that I replaced her. But an even bigger part of me is relieved that I didn’t see her.
“My mother said that our bond wasn’t cemented because we never consummated our mating or marked one another. Our fates only crossed, but it was never meant for us to search for each other through the ancestral ties that bind us.
“And honestly, that’s been weighing heavily on me because I now know that I may never see her again, even after I die. It hurts to think that I only got to be in her presence for three and a half months. When I’m near you, when we touch, just before the mark does its thing, I swear I remember the way she felt in my arms the first time we met. I’m scared that I’m going to forget.”
Sophia opens her mouth to say something, and she reaches for me, but she, as she always does, just before embracing me, pauses, not wanting to cause me any pain. Saying it out loud to her, of all people, feels like I’ve set down one of the heaviest burdens I’ve ever had to carry.
“Ragnar,” she scoots closer and takes my hand. She squeezes it tightly and shakes her head. “I can never and will never try to ever replace Clarity. She was your mate, my konungr.” She cups my face. “I understand now. And there is no way in hell you’ll ever be able to forget her. It is because of her that you are the man you are today. Even if you only held her for a moment, she was yours, and you were hers.
“No mark or stupid law is ever going to take that away from you. There is no doubt in my mind that when the time comes, you will see her again. She will greet you as a friend and the mate you lost. And I know that whatever happens between now and then, she will be as proud of you as I am.”
“You’re proud of me?”
“Of course, I am. You’ve accomplished everything you’ve set out to be since we were kids. You are becoming the King you are meant to be. You’re strong, independent, and generally a good person. I’m following your lead here. I wouldn’t be if I thought you were a shitty person,” she smirks.
“Just a shitty mate?”
“More like a shitty boyfriend,” she rolls her eyes. I can’t help but laugh.
‘Don’t ever call me that,” I growl at her. She laughs and sits back.
“Thank you for sharing that with me. I know it wasn’t easy,” she lets out a sigh of relief.
“What?”
“Hmm?
“You seem relieved. I’m the one who should be embarrassed.”
“You should never feel embarrassed to tell me what’s going on with you. That’s literally what mates and friends are for. Everything we talk about stays between us. Unless you want to share it with anyone else, everything personal you tell me, I will take with me to the grave.”
“Thank you,” I smile. I believe her.
“I feel relieved because I thought I said something that offended you when you came back from the temple. And the more I tried to get you to tell me, the more you pulled away. It made me angry because I didn’t know how to apologize.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” I shake my head.
“But I didn’t know that. It may be an odd concept to you, but this is the way that I am. Whenever something went wrong,
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I
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Chapter 107
ཁཅ་་་
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was always blamed for it. Because I was weak, because my instincts weren’t as sharp as a real wolf’s. Even when I did most of the work, and it was perfect, the only thing that mattered was the one little mistake, and it was because I was a worthless
omega.
“It’s going to be a long time before that goes away. It’s engraved in my head. It’s why I’m so hard on myself, why I can’t just sit around and do nothing. My entire being went into trying my best not to be an embarrassment to someone who didn’t even give a fuck about me.”
“He wouldn’t be rotting if that were true,” I sigh. “He’s acting the way he is because he knows exactly what he lost. We’ll work on that together. I’ll remind you to take a break with me whenever I can. One thing a King knows how to do is sit back and let someone else take care of the problem. I would love nothing more than to teach you how to relax, little wolf.”
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Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.
