Chapter 150
“So you think you’re a fool, right?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
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She nodded along with me. “You thought right.” I glared at her, but she was too busy looking at her chart to notice–or she noticed, and she was just ignoring me. Then she sighed, rubbing her temple. “You’re helpless, Belladonna.”
I folded my arms, putting on a front, but that stung true. “Ouch.”
“I honestly don’t know what to do with you anymore. Your self–destructive behavior will be your ruin. Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Early this year, it was alcohol and sex, but right now it’s… it’s…” She sighed again, and I suddenly felt I was getting scolded by a parent. Lucia was the same age as me. “I don’t even know how to put it.”
I glanced down at my lap, unfolding my arms and placing them on my lap. “Help me, Lucia. I… He was really hurt. I could hear it all in his voice. I could feel it in the way he touched me. I heard and felt the goodbye in everything he did. I… I hurt him, Lucia. If I knew it would be like this from the start, I would have kept my distance, and just let us continue being strangers. But… I was selfish, and all for what? Sex? Because he was sexy? But I gotta admit, that man is as sexy as sexy can be. His body is so sexy that I drool anytime I see him. And that face of his…” I shook my head, sighing deeply.
“Belladonna.”
My head snapped up to her. “Whoa, what’s with that tone?”
She glared at me, and I gotta go say, she was scary when she was like this. “Why are you looking at me like this?”
She dropped her chart, crossing her legs and arms, and I suddenly felt uncomfortable. “Let’s say I’m not your therapist right now. Let’s just say I’m a… friend.”
I raised an eyebrow even as my chest tightened. I didn’t have many friends. Nah, I didn’t have any friends. Let’s say minus Gianna, but the friendship was one–sided anyway. My position in the company and my rank in society were why people were too… scared to become my friend. And even if anyone approached me and said they wanted to be my friend, I would question their motives, because I would think they only wanted to use me to get higher.
So Lucia saying she was my friend was unexpected and filled me with a strange warmth.
“Fine,” I said, still putting on a front. “Let’s say you’re my friends, so what?”
“Since I’m your friend, I would speak freely-”
I snorted. “Not like you haven’t.”
“-and I can freely say you’re really foolish.”
I tried hard not to pout. “You already said that
“But I didn’t add the ‘really: Since I didn’t add that, you can’t know how foolish you are.”
“Not like it makes a difference.”
“Right. So, Belladonna, tell me, are you feeling this way because your personal sex toy is gone?
My eyes widened. Kade had said the same thing. Was that really how everyone saw it? Did they think Kade was my personal sex toy? Even the man himself?
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Chapter 150
Lucia continued, “Is that all he is to you? Do you really feel nothing but lust towards him?”
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I looked away from her again, glancing down at my lap. What was I supposed to answer? Should I be honest?
“And don’t even think about lying to me,” Lucia warned, her voice hard.
Right. I couldn’t even lie even if I wanted to, because she knew me too well.
“I…” I began, but my words trailed off.
Lucia’s voice softened as she said, “No rush, Bella. We have an hour anyway. And I can always extend it.”
I nodded, still keeping my head down.
I took a deep breath, and finally, “I… I like him. Is it right to say that?”
“Let’s leave the questions for later, and just focus on what you have to say.”
I nodded again; I was beginning to feel like a lizard with all this nodding.
“So… uhm, I like him. I… I can’t describe it, Lucia. He’s just… Kade. He’s just so Kade. And I’ve figured I like everything that was Kade. I like his cold side; it was sexy. I like his warm side; it was… comforting. When he talks to me in that soft, raspy voice that lets me see what he’s thinking, I feel nothing else but that warmth and comfort. All thoughts cease, and he’s all I think about. And when he… when I was in his arms, everything else fades, Lucia. And the sex, geez, don’t even get me started
on that.”
She nodded. “True. I don’t want to get you started on that. So what can you say about all those things you feel?”
I chewed my lips, but I remembered Kade didn’t like that, so I stopped. I raised my head and looked at her. “I think I’ve fallen for him, Lucia.”
She nodded slowly. “Good. Two points for being honest with me and yourself. That isn’t something that happens often.”
How right she was. I was a fucking liar, even to my damn self. I wasn’t very honest with others, and maybe that flaw is why I’ve lost Kade.
My shoulders dropped and I suddenly felt so tired. “Do you think he hates me now?”
“Yes,” she answered without hesitation.
I winced. Lucia could be cruel sometimes.
“Oh, don’t look so down, you brought this upon yourself.”
“You know, therapists are supposed to offer words of comfort to their clients.”
“Not this therapist. I offer nothing but the truth.”
“That’s cruel.”
“That’s reality”
“Reality is cruel,” I muttered, once again looking down at my lap.
“Another two points for finally acknowledging that. Reality is a fucking bitch, Belladonna. It doesn’t give two shits about your fantasies and dreams. It does whatever the fuck it wants. But do you know why people are still happy despite that? Despite
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Chapter 150
having their hopes and dreams crushed? It’s their will. Their damn zeal.”
“For a therapist, you should curse less.”
That was my way of saying, “Damn, girl, you really know how to hit the spot.”
She replied, “And for a client, you should listen more.”
I nodded slowly. “I–I will from now on. I promise.”
“Good. There’s something I need you to do for me.”
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Sara Lili is a daring romance writer who turns icy landscapes into scenes of fiery passion. She loves crafting hot love stories while embracing the chill of Iceland’s breathtaking cold.
