carried across 32

32 Go to Hell 

Sera 

Mina didn’t talk much while she helped me clean up. She dipped a cloth in warm water and wiped the dirt and dried blood from my face. Every time the fabric touched a bruise, I winced. My body felt like it had been put through a meat grinder. My ribs were stiff, and my arms felt heavy, like they were made of lead. I was furious. I wasn’t just tired; I was vibrating with a deep, ugly resentment toward Yvara. She hadn’t been training me. She’d been using me as a punching bag. 

“You’re presentable,” Mina said quietly, stepping back. She looked at my split lip and sighed. 

I didn’t thank her. I just turned and limped toward the door. 

Breakfast wasn’t in the Great Hall. A guard led me to a smaller room deeper in the fortress. It was quiet and warm, with a fire crackling in a stone hearth. A table was already set with bread, meat, and bowls of thick porridge. Fenris was already there. He sat at the head of the table, cutting into a piece of steak with a heavy knife. 

He didn’t look up when I sat down. He just gestured toward the empty plate in front of me. 

“Did you tell her to do that?” I asked. I didn’t even pick up my fork. 

Fenris stopped chewing. He looked at me, his grey eyes tracking the bruise on my cheek. “Tell who what? 

“Yvara,” I snapped. “Did you tell her to treat me like a piece of waste? Did you tell her to kick me until I couldn’t breathe?” 

“No,” Fenris said. He went back to his steak. “I asked her to train you. How she does that is her business.” 

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“It felt personal,” I said, leaning forward. My ribs barked at the movement. “She wanted to hurt me. She wasn’t teaching me anything; she was just beating me down.” 

Fenris didn’t deny it. He set his knife down and looked at me. “Yvara has her reasons. If you want to know what they are, ask her yourself.” 

“I’m not going back,” I said. “I’m done. I’m not doing this for six more days. I’d rather face Taya without a single lesson than get destroyed by your second every morning.” 

I expected him to argue. I expected him to shout or tell me I had no choice. Instead, he just nodded once. “That’s your choice, Sera. No one will force you to go to the yard.” 2 

Silence fell over the table. The only sound was the fire and the scrape of his fork. I picked up a piece of bread and tore it into small bits, moving them around my plate in circles. I couldn’t bring myself to swallow anything. My stomach felt like it was tied in a knot. 

“Taya has been training since she could walk,” Fenris said. His voice was flat, like he was reading a list of supplies. “She has never lost a formal challenge. The last woman who faced her ended up with a shattered knee. She couldn’t walk right for weeks.” 

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I looked up at him. “Why are you telling me this?” 

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“Because you should know what you’re choosing,” he said. “If you want to quit, quit. But do it knowing what Taya is going to do to you in six days.” 

He went back to eating. I went back to staring at my bread. I felt his eyes on me. He stopped eating and watched me push the food around for a long minute. Then, he stood up. 

I tensed, my heart speeded up. I didn’t know what he was doing. He walked around the table, his heavy boots thudding on the stone. He stopped right beside my chair. He was so close I could feel the heat coming off his skin. He reached past me, his large hand wrapping around the edge of my plate, and 

pulled it away. 

“What are you doing?” I asked. 

“In a fight, weight matters,” he said. He looked me up and down. “Taya outweighs you. You’re too thin.” 

No shit, I thought. Have you seen the size of her ass? 

“I can’t have you dying,” Fenris continued. He picked up a spoon, scooped up a large mound of porridge, and brought it toward my face. “Eat.” 

He hovered the spoon in front of my mouth. He waited. He looked completely serious, his face an unreadable mask. His hand was huge around the tiny utensil, making it look like an adult holding a toy 

spoon. 

My pulse hammered in my throat. I could feel the scar on my collarbone warming up, the bond humming under my skin from his proximity. 

“I can eat by myself,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t need you to feed me.” 

Fenris didn’t move the spoon. “Open up.” 

“No. This is ridiculous. It feels like you’re fattening me up for slaughter.” 

He didn’t respond to the jab. He just kept his eyes on mine. “Open up, Sera.” 

I let out a sharp hiss of air. “I’m done with all this bullshit.” I tried to stand up, but Fenris moved faster. He dropped a hand onto my shoulder. It was a single hand, but it was heavy. He pushed me back into the chair like I weighed nothing. 

“Stay with me,” he said. His voice was low. “You aren’t done eating. Why are you trying to leave?” 1 

I stared at him. I couldn’t figure him out. He was cold one second and overbearing the next. “Am I a prisoner here?” 

“No,” he said. “You’re my mate.” 

“Then why do you let them treat me like this?” I asked, my voice cracking. “You’re the fucking Alpha. Why did you let them put me in a duel instead of saving me? Why are you letting Yvara treat me like dirt?” 

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Fenris stared at me. I saw a flicker of something-maybe guilt, maybe irritation-cross his face before he looked away. Then he looked back. 

“Yvara beat me to stupidity this morning,” I said, the frustration finally bubbling over. “And now you’re trying to feed me just to send me back there tomorrow. Why?” 

“This is the North,” Fenris said. “This is Ironmaw. Everything we have is paid for in blood.” He set the spoon down on the table but didn’t move away. “A duel was the easy way out. It gives you a chance for dignity. Kael wanted you flogged in front of the pack. He wanted you publicly shamed. I won’t allow that.” 

“And Yvara?” 

“She is the best person to train you,” he said. “I won’t come between her and a student.” 

“Eat,” he said again. “Take her on again tomorrow.” 

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I felt the tears of frustration building behind my eyes. I reached out and slapped the spoon out of his hand. It clattered across the table, and porridge splattered onto his dark shirt. 1 

I stood up so fast my chair flew backward and crashed onto the stone floor. I was breathing hard, looking down at him. He was still crouched slightly, looking up at me with that same unreadable expression. 

“Go to hell, Fenris,” I spat. 

I turned and stormed out of the room before he could say another word. 

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