carried across 76

 

76 Do You Want It? 

Sera 

“What about you?” Fenris asked. He turned his head and looked at me. “What did you do when you were a child in the South? Before the political training started.” 

I thought about it. The memory of Valdris felt like a lifetime ago. It felt like another girl’s life entirely. 

“I hid,” I said. 

Fenris raised an eyebrow. “From what?” 

“My tutors. My mother. The etiquette lessons,” I answered. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs. “There was a small pantry right behind the main kitchens in the Blackwater palace. It smelled like yeast and burnt sugar. The cooks kept the sweet rolls there. I used to steal two of them, crawl behind the heavy flour sacks, and sit in the dark for hours.” 

“Just sitting in the dark?” 

“It was the only place nobody expected anything from me,” I explained. “I didn’t have to sit up straight. I didn’t have to lower my eyes. I just ate stolen bread and listened to the cooks yell at each other. It was peaceful.” 

Fenris stared at me. “That breeds weakness. A child should not have to hide in the flour to find peace. They should be taught to carve out their own space.” 

“Not everyone is born a wolf, Fenris,” I argued, my tone sharpening. “In the South, if a girl tries to carve out her own space, they lock her in a tower until she learns how to apologize for existing. Hiding wasn’t weakness. It was survival. It was the only way I could keep a piece of my mind for myself.” 

“And look where it got you,” he countered bluntly. “Sold to a dead man and traded to a stranger.” 

“And look where your violence got you,” I shot back immediately. I pointed at the white stone platform.” Sitting in the dirt, talking to a grave.” 

The words hung in the humid air. It was a brutal thing to say. I instantly regretted it. 

Fenris didn’t flinch. He didn’t yell. He just looked back at the white stone. His jaw locked. 

We fell into a heavy, suffocating silence. The only sound in the garden was the bubbling of the hot springs and the faint rustle of the leaves overhead. 

I looked at him. I looked at the massive width of his shoulders and the dark, messy hair falling over his forehead. 

My mind violently snapped back to the abandoned cabin in the woods. 

The memory did not feel distant. It felt completely, physically present. The cabin smelled of damp pine, old dust. The fire popped loudly in the stone hearth. The heat hit my shivering skin. Fenris stood in the 

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center of the small room. He unbuckled his heavy leather belt. The metal buckle hit the wooden floorboards with a loud smack. He pulled his ruined tunic over his head. He pushed his pants down 

He stood there completely naked. 

The sheer size of him dominated the room. His chest was corded with thick, heavy muscle. Deep, jagged scars cut across his torso. His thick, heavy cock rested against his thighs, completely relaxed but terrifyingly large. I remembered the absolute panic in my chest. I remembered waiting for him to force my legs apart and rape me right there. 

But he didn’t. 

I stared at his profile now, sitting in the garden. Why did he strip in front of me? Why did he show me exactly what he was capable of, completely expose himself, and then do nothing? He was the Alpha. He could have taken me on those dirty floorboards, and no one would have questioned it. He fingered me under a table in front of his entire council tonight, but he refused to actually claim me. 

I didn’t ask the question out loud. I swallowed it down. 

“Torin wasn’t entirely wrong,” Fenris said suddenly. He didn’t look at me. 

I frowned. “About what?” 

“The timeline,” Fenris said. His voice was heavy, entirely devoid of emotion. “Aldric’s terms are absolute. The border treaty dissolves if the marriage is not finalized.” 

He turned his head and looked directly into my eyes. 

“We are getting married on the next full moon,” Fenris told me. “That is five days from now.” 

I stared at him. The words hit my chest with the weight of an iron anvil. 

It was actually happening. 

Five days. In five days, I was going to stand in front of this pack and swear a blood oath to this giant of a man. I remembered the sheer terror I felt when I first saw him. I thought he was a monster. I thought he was going to break me in half. 

Now, that fear was completely gone. It was replaced by a dark, unyielding want. I craved his heavy hands on my skin. I craved the violent protection he offered. But he was constantly restraining himself. He pushed me away just as quickly as he pulled me in. 

Maybe the ceremony was the barrier. Maybe his honor was tied to the vows. Maybe when I finally became his Luna, he would stop fighting himself. Maybe he would finally fuck me and end this excruciating tension. 

I gave a single, slow nod. 

I leaned back. I stretched out completely flat on the thick green grass. I looked up at the canopy of leaves blocking the sky. The damp earth felt cool against my back. 

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Fenris remained seated. He hovered beside me, his massive frame casting a dark shadow over my body. I could feel his eyes tracking the movement of my chest as I breathed. 

I turned my head on the grass and looked up at him. 

“Do you want it?” I asked. My voice was perfectly steady. 

Fenris stared down at me. The muscles in his neck strained. The silence stretched out for ten agonizing seconds. He looked at my mouth. He looked at my eyes. 

“I don’t know,” Fenris said. 

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