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Chapter 122-2
“That’s where my wolf goes. Maybe he hides there because he knows I don’t visit often. Maybe he
thinks he can change it, or maybe it’s just the first time he met your wolf, and it comforts him to
know that he’s finally found his mate.”
“Okay. I guess I really need to get back so I can slap some sense into your wolf’s head. He was not
a monster. He protected me. He protected you. He did exactly what an alpha wolf is supposed to
- He’s just as incredible as you.” A thought occurred to me. “And he’s one hundred percent in
charge while you’re here, isn’t he?”
Troy nodded. “He is. I have a feeling my pack is not happy about it, but hopefully they don’t need to
take any drastic measures to control him. He’s been a little on-edge lately.”
Right. Another reason why we needed to get back pronto.
So, my wolf was hiding in a memory. The problem is that I didn’t know which memory, and if it was a memory that my mother had hidden away, I’d never be able to access it.
Even if she hadn’t, there were just so many memories that I shoved deep down inside myself. There were so many places she could hide away, and so many memories that I wasn’t sure I’d
survive if I visited them again.
Tears pricked my eyes. “What if she’s somewhere awful, like when Ragor scarred her. Oh my Goddess, what if Katherine sent her to my darkest moment? We have to go. We have to check.”
“Easy, Kiana. We don’t know how to control your memories, and even if we did, there’s no chance we could check them all. We need to feel sure. When you think about that night, do you feel her? Any more than usual?”
I didn’t want to think about it at all. When I did, it was like watching a film on a broken screen. It was so fractured. “I can’t feel her. I…I can’t even access the whole memory.”
“Let’s try something else. Something that I do when I feel disconnected from my wolf. Sit
cross-legged and take my hand.”
Skeptically, I did as he asked. “Are we going to summon her? Should we light some candles?”
“When we get back, we’re going to start meditating,” Troy said with a grin. “I think it’ll be healthy for you.”
“I don’t need to be alone with my thoughts, thanks,’ I said dryly. “Is this what we’re doing now? A
meditation?”
“Yes, but not for you. You’re going to meditate with your wolf. Now, ideally, your wolf will be there
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Chapter 122-2
with you, but maybe this will help you find her. Close your eyes and try to relax.”
That was easier said than done.
Claim
“Remember that while we’re here, nothing can touch you. This is your mind, and you’re in charge. You don’t need to fear anything. Just focus on your breath. The cooler air that goes in and the
warmer air that goes out. You can even count. In, one. Out, two. In, one. Out, two. Your chest rises
and falls. Up and down. In and out. One and two. Up and down.”
His voice and the warmth radiating from his hands was such a source of comfort. I found myself
matching my breath to his rhythm and relaxing.
“Very good, Kiana. Now I want you to think of your wolf. Think of a time when she was relaxed. You
were both content. You felt safe.”
“And loved,” I said without thinking.
Troy paused. “And loved.”
The memory came to me, clear as day. We’d returned from rescuing Irene, and I’d been so furious with Troy for not releasing me. I was sleeping in his bed, acting like I was his happy mate, and so bitter that his pack hated me. But some nights, when it was just us, I could relax just a little. Troy had pointed out that my wolf always hiding was a liability, so he was making me go on runs. I pushed back, pretending that I hated it, but really, I felt safe with him.
“She felt safe with you,” I whispered. “We’re in Wolfspire, running in the forest. Your wolf plays with her. Nips at her gently and encourages her to hunt. She’s not looking around for threats or fighting to hide again. She’s with your wolf, and she’s so safe. The moon is beautiful, and I think I’m falling in love with you, but I can’t tell you that.”
“It’s okay,” Troy said hoarsely. “It’s okay. We still have so much to get through, but this memory is
beautiful.”
What did he mean?
“Open your eyes, Kiana.”
I opened it, and there we were, in Wolfspire Woods. The full moon showered down on us, and the stars were clear and bright. In the distance, wolves howled. His wolves, but I didn’t feel any fear.
Next to me, a wolf rolled on his back and chuffed.
Troy.
I wanted to run my hands through his fur, but I knew they would just go right through. I couldn’t manipulate anything here. “She’s not here,” I said as I looked around. Disappointment grew inside
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of me.
Cham
“Don’t lose yourself in the memory, Kiana. Keep focusing. Keep focusing on her. She’s not here because she’s not just a part of this memory. She’s a part of you. Like you. Like your damn mother when she chooses to be. Focus on how your wolf felt. Find that connection.”
Taking a deep breath, I raised my face toward the moon.
My wolf. The half of me that was always there. I protected her and she protected me. We were both survivors. We’d grown into leaders. We loved. We were loved.
Come to me.
My whispers were soft to my ears, but I could hear the trees swaying with my breath.
Come to me.
Troy’s hands tightened around mine, but it wasn’t fear. It was strength. I reveled in it.
Come to me.
“You did it,” Troy breathed.
Immediately, my eyes sprang open, and I turned around. His wolf was still there, acting out the memory, and mine was right next to him. Peering up at me fearfully.
In a fucking cage.
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