I Was Never Meant To 133

Posted by ADMINJ, ? Views, Released on April 18, 2026

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Chapter 133 133- Do Not Nap Under His Wing Unless You Trust Him Not To Roll

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Lexi is off with her friend, Ellorie–Rae. That’s… fine. The djinn seems to like her, and more importantly, Lexi trusts her. That should be enough for me. It has to be. I can’t exactly demand trust from Lexi while refusing to extend it to the people she chooses to have around her. Still… I don’t like it. Not really. But that feeling isn’t about Ellorie–Rae. It’s about me. About the fact that Lexi is still angry with me. Or hurt. Probably both. And that’s… fair. I did mess up. Badly. In the very first real conversation we ever had, we talked about dragons kidnapping maidens and locking them away, and I told her she was safe from me. I didn’t hesitate. I didn’t qualify it. I meant it. That’s the part that frustrates me the most. Because I wasn’t lying to her. Not intentionally. I believed it. I believed I wouldn’t do something like that to her. That I was better than that. That I wasn’t like my parents. And then the moment things got difficult, the moment I felt like she might be taken from me, I did exactly that. Obsessive. Controlling. Possessive. Exactly like them. Lexi wasn’t even this upset when I broke that bastard Aaron’s wrists. But that’s different. I never pretended I wouldn’t do something like that. I’ve always been honest, with her and with myself, that violence is part of what I am. If someone crosses a line, I will deal with it. She accepted that. She understood it. She didn’t like it, but she was able to move past it. This… this was different. I told her I wouldn’t take her freedom. I told her she was safe with me. And then I took that choice away from her anyway. Not because I wanted to hurt her. But because I was scared. And apparently, when I’m scared, I fall back on instincts I’ve spent my entire life surrounded by. That should have occurred to me. It really should have.

Now I can’t help but admit that Lexi choosing to take space from me is… logical. I can’t even argue with it. It’s what she needed to do, for her own sake and

probably for mine too. I’ve always said I’m selfish, that I prioritise myself, and that’s true. If there were no consequences to what I did, it would be entirely

too tempting to just do it again. I KNOW I can be a little controlling. So it’s important that she is able to draw that line. It just reminds me of my original plan. To make her happy. I want Lexi to be happy because I want her to stay. Because I don’t want to become the kind of person who would have to force her to stay. So if her reasoning is that I broke her trust, and that she has no assurance I won’t do it again, then the solution is obvious. I need to make sure I don’t. And I need to PROVE it. Not just say it. Not just promise it. Actually demonstrate it in a way she can believe. Which means I need to control those habits. Or at the very least, recognise them before they take over and stop them before they become actions. And then I need to show her that I can do that. Consistently. That’s the only way I’m getting her trust back. That’s the only way I’m getting her back. She has never once done anything that makes me uncomfortable without reason. Even when she kept things from me, I could logically see why she did it. Because she has values about protecting people, about avoiding violence wherever possible. She is averse to violence, so not telling me was just another way of protecting herself from seeing a side of me she wasn’t sure she was ready to deal with. But then she stayed anyway. She consistently adapts. She keeps trying to work through the things I do that make her uncomfortable. She might complain about them, or lecture me, but mostly she just tells me what her limits are. She always does that. She tells me what she really can’t cope with. Which is fair. Everyone has limits. Everyone has things they can’t live with, things that might make them incompatible with another person. So I should probably do the same. Talk to her. Tell her the things that concern me. Work out what my deal breakers are. Work out what I can compromise on, and what I can’t. Because if I expect her to keep being honest with me, then I need to be honest too. Properly honest. Not just about what I want, but about what I am afraid of. About the things in me that I don’t fully trust either. I exhale slowly and run a hand through my hair, forcing myself to think this through properly instead of reacting. She told me where she’s going. She told me she wouldn’t be alone. That means she hasn’t completely cut me out. If she wanted nothing to do with me, she wouldn’t have told me anything at all. That’s something. That means I can fix this. But right now, every instinct I have is screaming at me to follow her. To stand outside the door. To make sure she’s safe. To make sure nothing happens while she’s not with me. And I know, I know, that doing that would make everything worse. So I don’t Barely. Instead, I force myself to turn away and find something else to focus on. Something useful. Something that actually helps instead of making things worse. Matthews. If something is going on at the Academy, if someone is targeting Lexi, then I need answers. And right now, Matthews is the most likely place to start. So instead of following Lexi… I’ll go

looking for him.

Something is very wrong. I can feel it, sharp and insistent at the back of my mind, the same instinct that usually points me toward danger or opportunity now sitting heavy in my chest, telling me that I’m missing something important. I checked the potions lab first, obvious place to start, but there was no sign of Matthews. Nothing disturbed, nothing out of place, nothing that suggested he had been there recently. That in itself is strange. If he’s involved, or even just investigating like Cage suggested, this is where he should have been. So I moved on. I reluctantly asked the Academy for the location of his office. It didn’t exactly like answering me, there was a pause, a strange hesitation in the way the doors shifted before eventually guiding me, but it did. The office is…. messy. Not just a little disorganised, not the kind of clutter that comes from being busy. No, this was chaotic. Papers scattered across the desk and floor, drawers left slightly ajar, things out of place in a way that doesn’t match the man I’ve observed in class. Matthews is meticulous. Structured. He carries one of those old–fashioned planners, the kind people use when they like control, when they like things written out and organised. He doesn’t strike me as someone who would let things devolve into this kind of disarray. So either something happened here… or someone wanted it to look like something happened here. I crouch down and start gathering the scattered pages, sorting them without really thinking about it, putting them back into order. It’s… automatic. Familiar, in a way I don’t particularly like acknowledging. Dragons don’t just hoard valuables, we organise them, catalogue them, keep track of everything. Disorder is… uncomfortable. So I fix it. Page by page, I piece his planner back together, scanning as I go, looking for anything useful. There’s

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12:29 pm P P P S

Chapter 133 133- Do Not Nap Under His Wing Unless You Trust Him Not To Roll Over

nothing obvious. Schedules, notes, mundane details of daily life. Nothing that points to hunters, or drugs, or anything remotely helpful. Waste of time. I set the planner aside and continue searching, shifting through the rest of the mess with more purpose now. That’s when I find the folder, half shoved under a stack of papers like it had been deliberately hidden or hastily discarded. I pull it free and flip it open. Bills? Mostly old ones. Utilities, rent, random expenses. It looks like he keeps everything, even things he probably doesn’t need anymore. That tracks. Some people like records. But why keep them here? Why not at home? Unless… this is where he spends most of his time. Which wouldn’t be surprising. Still… if these are here, then his actual home might have more. More recent things. More relevant things. I glance at the address listed on one of the documents. Off campus. Not far. My mind starts running through the possibilities immediately. If Matthews is involved, his home could have something, evidence, notes, anything he wouldn’t risk leaving here. If he’s not involved, then maybe I confirm that and move on. Either way, it’s a lead. And right now, I don’t have many of those. The problem is… Lexi. The thought hits harder than anything else. Leaving her, even for a short time, feels wrong. Every instinct I have pushes back against the idea immediately, a sharp, almost physical resistance. After everything that’s happened, after what I just did… leaving her alone feels like the exact opposite of what I should be doing. But hovering isn’t the answer either. I already know that. I straighten slowly, the folder still in my hand as I stare down at the address again. It’s not far. I could fly there in ten minutes. Less, if I push it. A quick look around, in and out, and then back again. Thirty minutes. Max. I could ask Lexi to come with me, but… no. She wouldn’t want that right now. After earlier, after the vault, after everything… asking her to trust me enough to get on my back and fly somewhere isolated with me? That’s not going to go well. So it has to be me. Alone. Thirty minutes. It’s nothing. I’ve left her alone for longer than that before. She’s in the Academy. It’s protected. It’s safe. …Right? I hesitate, just for a second longer than I should. Then I exhale. Thirty minutes. It will be fine.